Our therapist says the reason we always end up together is our fear of starting all over again. We choose to believe it’s because being with each other is so much easier, well sounds like the same thing right? But we can never admit that because we are willing to work on what we have after every break we take from each other.

“Thomson” my wife said the moment I got home.

“Mmmh…”

“I want a divorce”

“What? Why?”

“I’m tired of the on and off” she said looking straight into my eyes. On our first date, I had told her that I didn’t like it when she looked into my eyes, and for the past 15 years she never did, till this every moment. I was shocked, I know after going through divorces with her 3 times before, I wasn’t supposed to be shocked, but the look in her eyes was different from the times before, this time she seemed really tired of the back and forth.

“Aren’t you tired of this ride? The endless break ups?” she asked me as I paced around the kitchen where we were.

“I am, but not of us, I still want us” I said with so much frustration knowing that she might not agree with what I said.

“Do you remember a time we were together for more than a year?” she said in the calmest way possible, as if she had been thinking about this for a very long time.

“That doesn’t matter!” this time my frustration was obvious in my words. I just wanted to hit something so bad. Who knew finding out the only thing we really agreed on wasn’t how much we wanted to be together would hurt this much.

“I love you” I said trying to hold her, but she pulled away, the way she escaped my hold, made me see how far apart we actually were, how what I thought we were was one sided. “Let’s save each other the cost of a lawyer, and forget this conversation ever happened” If forcing things was a person, right? I just didn’t know how else to react, I met Rose when I was 13, I didn’t know life without her.

“Really?” she sounded disappointed with my response, but how else did she expect me to react? “I will leave for now, call me when you see my point,” she said and went to our bedroom and came out with her bags.