Sometimes we live life , smiling non stop , motivating others while in reality we are walking corpses. I was never a type of person who really celebrate her achievements and be proud of herself until i go to university. My academic achievements from high school never gave me that “i did it , i am proud of myself” vibe. Every mark i used to get in my formal and informal tests , never satisfied me. Even after matric , when i got my results i was not happy , i wished that i could have done better. If i was the one paying for my school fees , i was going to upgrade. At home they were happy with the distinctions i got. I was the only one left astonished . I cried my lungs out that night , thinking about my hard work and those sleepless night i had. It’s 2024 right? Now let me tell you about my life as a student.

I am Lilitha Majavu , nineteen years of age. I am varsity student with a high school mindset. Transition is not easy and i am that one person who hardly make friends. It was not easy in the beginning of this year , i was having the hardest time in my life and that’s when i realized that , i don’t need supporters in order to survive. I am devastated , academically things are falling apart. From being a top performer to an average learner, life has humbled me. I am doing modules that i used to love back then in high school but now every nights i cry my lungs out as they are chowing me. I am fighting for a fifty percent while in high school , i was not satisfied when i got the same ” FIFTY PERCENT”. I failed my first semester and i haven’t send my results to my family members . I am afraid.

I have been performing poorly in the labs. I have met different lab partners who made me feel stupid. This is my first time doing experiments in the labs, i had no idea because the majority of schools in rural areas do not have an access to many resources. I have never been in a lab before and that made things to be harder for me as i am surrounded by students who have a background about how things in the lab are done. I remember failing to do a titration , where we mix a strong base and a strong acid. The expected color was pink but not a strong pink , i really messed up. I have felt racism at some point , especially in those labs. The pain of being nervous every time you are going to the lab even if you have prepared enough is so hard to bear. In biology , i am my own lab partner and i have to ask my teacher assistant whenever i have a problem , it’s not that easy especially for me , i feel like i am annoying as i don’t even know how to use microscopes and other apparatus. After the bio lab, i feel demotivated , a lot is happening there and i am not willing to share it. I am natural quiet , people take an advantage of me. The other race is really treating me so bad , i am even developing attitude towards biology and the worst part it’s my major. To any matric learner who is from rural areas going to varsity next year , be strong enough , stand for yourself and do not entertain any racism in Uni!