I had depression and every time when I see something I’ll cut myself. I felt like pain did nothing to me and it was only the solution through everything I went through in life. I went to different sangomas without my parents knowledge, just to find out what’s wrong with me, and they told me that I had a wild ancestors calling. I once went with Mom, and they even told me that I’m going to loose myself and go crazy. I thought it was a lie, only to realize what they once said to me these days. I went through a lot, I ran away from home, I started to be more wild and ended up in hospital several times. Doctors said I was diagnosed with mania, some said I was totally loosing a screw in my head because of the hallucinations I had at the time. Even today I don’t know what’s wrong with me. Am I cursed or what’s happening to me. I’m no longer attending school, and I’m slowly killing each and every cell in my body. If I have a calling, why my ancestors treating me like this, why don’t they wait until I finish school because there’s life after everything. I think I’m cursed and with what happened to me I’ll never forget anything, my past is my pain, I don’t even know what to do with this life, everything goes wrong Everytime when I try to pull myself together.

Is it a calling or a curse!?