“Ooh, I know her”.

“That girl who smiles a lot,” most of them said

People always notice our outer reactions.

But No! No one knows me.

If you say that, you do.

Do you?

Do you know the hidden scars that I have?

Not the physical ones but the inner ones.

Do you know the battles I fought In silence?

Since childhood.

The loneliness I felt,

And the pain I endured.

“You always smile?” the little girl next door asked,

Her eyes sparkled.

With a smile and a weak voice I said

“Should I tell you a story”.

“A story about a girl who sleeps on a wet pillow every night

And wakes up in the morning with a big smile”?

“Why can’t she take the pillow to dry outside?”

She asked with curiosity written on her face.

I smiled, of course, you won’t understand,

After all, you are just an innocent child.

“You know you talk too much sometimes.”

I just shook my head and smiled,

Only if you knew,

Only if u knew this is the only chance I have

To voice out my thoughts,

After that, they stay in isolation.

“You are always around little kids.”

“It’s because…..because “

A lump merged in my throat ,

Swallowing my words as I smile,

“It’s because I love being around kids”.

Then I bat my lashes, holding my breath and smile.

I am making sure to cover up my lies.

Only if I could say.

Only if I could tell you that,

I’m covering a gap that was left open.

A gap of a missing piece of childhood

I’m reliving my childhood.

Helping the younger ones,

Not to make the same mistake,

That I learnt the hard way.

I smile, looking up at the sky

Even though you asked,

I couldn’t tell you the real answer.

Because it is better that way,

The less you know about me

The easier it is for me to find in your world.