I fell in love

For the first time

I was abused emotionally

And I didn’t know. I thought it was love

Even though I didn’t know what love was

It took away my sense of self

I don’t know who I am,

What I like and what I don’t like

I searched for myself in people’s opinions

I tried to be responsible for making

Those around me were happy

While I was dying in regrets

Of my past mistakes

Feeling empty, but people’s validation

It made me feel whole

Until I loosened up, and started to do what I like

What I enjoyed but also was wrong

To society as I had a sort of

A good reputation.

Nobody knew what I was going through

Everybody judged and told me to live in a good way

All the validation disappeared

Everyone was disappointed,

Nobody held my hand, showed me the way

I had to make my way out

And chose to be the good girl everyone wants me and expects me to be

I was that; everyone was happy, and I was anxious

My parents were delighted, but a part of me

Was, if I don’t do it again or achieve it

Maybe no one will even appreciate

Everyone turns a blind eye to my feelings

Still, I’m depressed; I don’t know what to do,

I don’t know myself.