Every new year is the start of a new chapter in life. Like most people I had my year(2022) planned out. Going to a tertiary institution, finding love, being in a new environment and having new friends.
After having a nice,fun December there was I on January the 7th starting to panic about my matric results. Food didn’t even taste so good, the tv didn’t help but bring me more stress as while i was watching it my mind would not give me a break but think and think. I had no friends just had alliances. So one day i decided to text a few former schoolmates.
“Hey, Hud” I texted Katlego
“I’m fine and you?” he asked
“I’m good but I’m stressing about my results dude”
“Hloyi please don’t stress, no matter how much you stress you won’t change them. If they’re good nor bad they’ll come the way they should be” he advised me.
“Ok i hear you, I’ll try not to stress”.
Later that day i texted Victoria( the most honest and loving classmate ever).
“Hey girl”
“Hi, how are you?”
“I’m fine and you?”
“I’m fine but I’m having anxiety” she said.
“Me too i just want to know how my results look”
“I’m always thinking about them but let’s leave everything to God”she replied.
“Yeah God knows everything we’ll just have to wait for the 21st so we can go to school and take our statements”.
“Oh girl I can’t wait”
“Enough of stressing Victoria so how was your December?”.
“It was so fun i really enjoyed it”.
“Ok same here”.
Days went by surely but slowly. Came the 21st of January, I was woken up by the voice of my aunt shouting my name asking about my exam number so that my family can check me on the newspaper. As i stood up and looked next to my exam number a letter B. I jumped and I felt tears of joy flow. I was extremely happy so was my family. Then i stressed about getting enrolled in the university. January ended and still no sigh of me going to tertiary but i had hope like they say “have faith and be patient with God”.
(Katlego called me in the morning…phone ringing) ( I answered)
“Hello” he said on the other side
“Hi”
“You know what… hmm, how do we get matric re-write forms?”.
“I don’t know but I have Sir Kgasago’s phone numbers I’ll send you them so you can ask him”.
“Ok fine send it fast” he said with joy and quickly wanting to know all the details about the forms.
“Yeah i will”
“Bye” (he hung up)
(Talking to Katlego on whatsapp later that day)
“Hey so did he help you?” I asked with concern
“Yes he told me that if anyone wants them they should go take them at school”.
“Ok then good luck re-writing”
“Yeah thanks, by the way what are you busy with this year?”.
“I don’t know it seems like I’m taking a gap year”
“Why?” He asked with a shocked emoji
“I haven’t gotten a reply from the university yet”.
“Oh sorry, maybe they will reply you be patient”.
“Ok” I replied with heartbroken emojis
“Xo”
That day i was not worried i still had hope. Until after a few days Victoria told me she was admitted at Sefako Makgatho University(SMU). I was happy for her but I asked myself why I haven’t gotten a reply yet nevertheless i still had hope. Koketso_a former classmate as well informed me too that she got admitted at University of Pretoria(UP). I got a bachelors degree but it’s as if i didn’t do good. That’s when my depression started. Everyday i saw people making something of their lifes i could feel like a vacuum, excessively empty inside because i was doing nothing. Staying at home and not doing anything, in addition not having friends drove me crazy but I’m a fighter so i didn’t give it that power to bring me down. Anytime i felt lonely and empty I downloaded songs and watched my celeb crush on instagram, he’s so handsome (tall and dark) has a great fashion sense he’s my spec hundred percent. These two things kept me going mostly music without it I could have long died. Victoria and I talked every now and then over the phone.
“Hey Hloyi, how are you?”
“I’m fine but this gap year sucks”.
“Oh sorry girl but i think you are better than me to be truthful if only you knew how life is this side…hmm”.
“How is it though?”.
“Things are not as golden as we used to imagine. I have lots of assignments and exams are close by”.
“Oh girl but you’ll keep pushing right?”
“Yes I’m pushing but that’s not all adapting is tough as well sometimes i wish i was you babe”.
“Vic you just kidding me right, would you rather not do anything with your life? I wish i was in your shoes babe here at home I’m dying bit by bit”.
“Pray and pray God will surely answer your prayers”.
” I will”
“Bye, we’ll talk i have to study”.
“Bye”
I cannot remain bitter nor sad forever. Life goes on If you cannot change something embrace it the time doesn’t stop moving because of what you are going through. Now this is my current phase.