Introduction

Love is such a precious thing when you channel it directly to your heart. Sometime we question it, instant of really appreciating its benefit. Many are no longer with us, thy are beyond the grave due to love. Love is not a thing you can make a dual with it hoping to win or conquer, even if you are mighty and strong, heartless or hated, it does not matter. Love is like a symphony always making smooth melodies, attracting, comforting, whispering, calling you, making all your desire come to live, can you believe it all.

All this is done by love and nothing can be done to stop it, love is so infinite and comes in many form. When you chose a category, remember that each choices comes with a price, pain, heartbreak, hate, unforgettable memories, loss and more undesired outcome no heart can bear. Always think twice before you fall in love or catch feelings, always consider your options. Ask yourself if you are doing the right thing and is it worth trying.

Love is rare and it is everywhere you should not be scared of it, even when it comes to you at your worse moments. Love can heal, revive dead hearts that were never meant to love again. What is worse or surprising about love is that it comes and it is found in mysterious ways. Love can be found in worse, darkest mist and beyond the grave, looks, pain, shoulders you cry on, room, worse nights and other pleasuring places.

Why panic, why to many questions, why not you, why this way, why hide, why worry about it. There are questions one ask a lot, when things start to be complicated, when the heart start to want more, when you mind tells you that this is a dream or a nightmare. Well most run, why can’t you face the red-bull so called love. This is when aloneness wonder looking for love and love start fading away. Well, are you lost what am talking about let’s hear the story so you understand what I have being trying to explain to you.

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pre-set

Well, a year ago I meet this wonderful lady in Rose-garden town near my work place’ it was in the early afternoon after lunch time. She was very nice looking, smiling and happily glorious. We both work at the same company as technicians but on different levels and flows. It was around mid-June during winter season, due to ongoing electricity crisis, we were not allowed to use the company kitchen for our food or anything to save power and to be able to run servers smoothly without interruptions. So most us we will go out to mini store across the street to get food and coffee or tea during our break times.

Oh! my name is Adam smith, am 28 years and I live in Rose-garden town, the city of love, miracle, wealth, and all you can ever want or desire. Am working in a successful company run by youth dealing with Cyber security and I am a senior technician for the company, the company is called [Cyber link]. I have been working for the Cyber link for 5 years on a permanent position, including 1 year volunteering as a fresh-man.

Well, the lady that I was telling you about is Hanna Kings. She 26 years working on the first flow as a junior technician, she was new to the company. She has been working for Cyber link for two years now, doing the most impressive work and she up for the promotion once the position is open for senior technician.

Not always things go according to plan or come the way you expect them. That afternoon she approached and knows my name, waved as she was approaching me, she asked, “if I was going back to worked or I was going home?”, she was smiling and happy as a puppy. so I responded ‘am going to collect stuff I need from the office then am going home, why are you asking do you need help with something? I asked. She responded very softly ‘I kindly need help, it’s a two-man job installation, my co-worker (working partner) had to go home for an emergency.’ well, we walked to the office collected my things and went down to the base to help her with the installations. She was quite all the time listening to this cool R&B, Pop Soul music. Well it was super cool helping her, we exchanged contact details so we can chat or someday grab lunch or tea during the breaks.

Few weeks later she started sending text messages, asking a lot of questions trying to know what kind of a person I am. Things went well for few days, as we started keeping up talking friendly. She started calling asking what she can get for me during lunch, in the morning too. We started bonding well, she asked about my previous relationships and what I really look for in a lady before I get in to a relationship. I told her that I mostly prefer hard working, well dedicated, inspiring, motivated, open minded. Then she said well how about we give it a try. Is she joking, like really well it is what it is Rose-garden city of wonders.

Things got complicated as I was still in a relationship that was busy sinking and falling apart, sometimes long distance relationship can leave you in hell hang or dying. So I told her about the relationship I was trying so hard to savage and recompose, she was kind hurt. She told me that I’m very complicated and I have multiple personalities that are very scary. She could not understand what I was going through by that time.

Hanna had some up and down, bad relationships, she was at the point of losing interest at love till she met me. Memories got triggered and days later she called, told me to come by her car during lunch and we set and talked. She told me how sad her love life was and all the bad experiences she had to go through, high school and college. I felt sorry for her, so I gave her a warm hug to calm her down and talked to her about her experiences gave her tips and solutions. She was still not trusting by that time from all the bad psycho love experiences that were very bad. Sharing some details may be very harming and as she does not have any knowledge am doing the transcript about our little love story.

No one can teach you how to love and to be loved. If you missed the opportunity you just have to wait until you get a chance again, it might take time, if something is yours to keep why panic. So by end year December, I realized I wasted time on unfixable relationship. So I decided to end it to pursuit this love that has value and meaning as it is worth my heart to carry.

We went on a date the following year around January, one turned in to many till the beginning of February. I looked in to my finances I was running low on funds and I was paying my debts sense December trying to close all my accounts. So I decided to tell her I won’t be able to take her out on a date during valentine’s day and to celebrate our year anniversary. ‘She said to me okay its fine do not worry about it, will try next time’, I was so in love with her but the relationship was not yet official.

Then I found myself between a hard rock and a wall, I started feeling the shift and distance. I realized I did disappoint her like other guys she dated all this year’s even if I was different and promising. All she did was she kept was she loved me, a lot and cares, she even helped were I was struggling. I got back on my feet and we fell in love, then four months in to a relationship, she was cosy with her co-worker and she told me that they are friends nothing much. Well I was very sensitive so one day decided to go with her to work, so we used her car. So during lunch her friend came. She said ‘hey Simon I have been looking for you what have you being doing or hiding at’. The guy was not happy to see us together, he even left in a hurry. Then days later on they called each other later at night, exchanged phones took pictures together. Some of the things we did not do together some of my pictures she would delete them, tell me she doesn’t like them…one day Hanna decided to borrow him her phone and the guy knows the pin, password and pattern lock.

My heart and mind started to make me panic, to start questing myself, if I am the problem or I did something wrong. Around September that year I asked ‘if we are still together or not?’. She responded and even assured me we are cool, I should not worry, but my heart never settled. I knew well something was up but I did not know what was it. I decided to be at distance to see if she cared but she never care to ask why? I was always there most of the time. Love is not love but we are misled by our own actions. If we all knew when to stop loving, we could save our heart the trouble of going through the pain of loving wrong souls. Love isn’t perfect but it is worth the little happiness you get from it nest.

As the year is about to end, I found myself alone wondering like a lone wolf walking among bleeding roses trying to heal from the sorrow that makes my heart fate and turn to stone. Is this relationship worth it, to stay and keep up with situation like these? I was very tired of asking, sending text message, and getting mad when I get late responses. During December holidays I meet an old co-worker I used to work with she was in management office. She knew mi well from college. We got to spend time together bonded over Christmas holidays and she told me that she my new neighbor, as she being reassign to the Cyber link company from its mother company Cyber data center . Well, I never broke up with Hanna but was spending time with Jennifer Scott. Well, around end of January Hanna came to me and apologias and she told me, she knows about my affair with Jennifer. It came as a surprise to hear that she knows. Many question came to my mind and as panic strike, what did I get myself in to and why is she not mad at me.

Women sometimes can be more dangerous if you do not obey, she told me when the fun is over, I should come back. Hanna told, she not worried about the affair I was alone I needed someone while she was dealing with her insecurities that affected our relationship. I was so glad and out of words to hear that, I only regretted the time wasted and lost. I learned a lesson, never to let anyone down or give up on them, always give them a chance to see or help them if they are struggling. Love and relationships are not as perfect as you expect them to be but close to what you wish or desire. Never let fate find you always chase your destiny.

Whenever you think are done, that when think start to get heated and interesting.

After all I was not worried at all, I was free and able to tell Jennifer about me and Hanna. She too knew about all and well agree to focus on us and let the rest be as it is. The was no panic at all but whom knew things can be like this. Jennifer and I had the most amazing time for about 4 months without a fight or talking about Hanna. We went on date nights and went on too weeks’ holiday trip to cape cave.

As our bond became strong and love flooded the room and streets trouble too has an anticipated plan for evil to divide and conquer our most happily love.

So for some time I avoid communication with Hanna and focus on what was in my eyes at that moment, she was too she dated few guys try to keep herself entertain but failed and rush to panic as she sees how happy I was during that time with Jennifer. she started tracking all my moves calling for no reason in the middle of the night saying she was checking on me. Well I will answer talk to her while I was with Jennifer next to me and we both knew she does mind. This took about two months and we had a conversation I and Jennifer as she wanted to buy new car and house down town well she was loaded and she said by the time I and Hanna get back together she well prepared to move on. Well the decision was made and she brought them cash. We will move from an apartment to apartment due to all the fun we had. Hanna started feeling a little bit jealous.

She stormed and stated coming to my apartment leaving thing and Jennifer left and went to her house down town and Hanna never moved in. my question if she was will to stand on the words she said, I know about your affair and I don’t mind if you are dating someone while we try fix things, the truth is that I was secretly engaged to her and only Jennifer knew, my question was why panic if am all your started asking myself if am doing the right thing staying engaged and not marrying her. I stared to panic as I think of marriage, how are we going to survive all was for nothing, Hanna was never happy at all even when loved each other much but she always had drama all the time.

I realized thing stared turning as she was making harsh decision and I Stop going out with friends and a lot more. We planned our wedding and in 3 months 2 weeks the day before my wedding day Jennifer called said I was rushing thing cos my faïence is in a panic never believed her but the wedding went well and everything went well. We were married for 8 months before our divorce as she told me that, she was not loyal at all she was having an affair with the Simon, her male friend. I decided to move out and went to Jennifer and apologies. We never got back together but we went out as friend for 1 year 2 months without any of us making moves on one another. Hanna moved on and got married a year later but she was privately married and she never told anyone and we did not talk to one another till her hubby came by returning my house keys and papers with a damage cos of R50 000 CHECK. I never expected that and the news she got married and moved on and she wrote me a letter apologetic for all the things she did.

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Dear Sam and Jennifer

I would like to start by apologetic first for all the wrong I did to you both, I know there is nothing I can do to change time and fix all I broke and damaged. Most of the things I did because of panic, lot of people had promised me and made belie in heaven and earth they can provide but never did. Sometime we accept and never truly admit we did accept, when wolfs start to lick frozen wounds and try to pull meat out of frozen bones we became helpless to burn or bury the dead bodies but rather let them being torn by wild wolfs. Hope you will both forgive by intentions and all that happen.

Thanks for the love and wonders you shared with me. Hope you both heal and accept my censer apology. all the best to you to hope Simon delivers this letter and keys with repayment of damages.

By Hanna kings.

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Well, we never replied and we both found closer but Jennifer said “don’t you dare panic cause am all yours now till forever more.

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Sometime panic is cost by mix emotions and poor judgement of how you see things. Panic is fear to lose and fear by peers on how they see you and being afraid to fail and retry again.

Well am still in love with Jennifer we have one kid called Elizabeth and we now run our own company and we never got married but engaged. We never wanted to rush things as we had a lot to succeed on and I lot happened. Hanna left town 3 years later and she got a new job and family of her own, and she sense disappeared from our lives. We never got rush to marry due to we did not want to panic rush and end up making mistakes that would make us unhappy till end of time. small mind cause panic and panic raise fear to happiness and love.

You might think there was happy ending to the story, that’s up to you.

“Hey my it is Adam smith. This is the story between me and Hanna kings, why panic if am all yours to keep for the rest of your life. Love is never a fair game so don’t panic yet you have a long way to go. Have roots to true love so, it can grow with you in your heart, so whenever you are in panic shall it provide guidance by opening your heart. Never limit your heart and do not let your past mistakes cloud your judgement of others intentions and personality or background. Let love be like a job that opens opportunities to experience new things, and allows you not to fear but love and teach yourself and others by sharing with them”.

“Never panic again, cause panic it’s a what I call love killer.”

“Fail, fail, get hurt, heal, move on”.