It’s nearly a year since I’ve become a Xhosa man, one that doesn’t capitalise on the rewards it brings from a societal point of view. In a nutshell, I govern for the traits of being a man. According to the tradition, you ought to be a shelter of protecting and serving rather than a role model to those behind you. Umgidi, a day where the return of ikrwala(new man) is celebrated, elderly men and women, especially family members, spread advice and words of encouragement to the young man as a guideline on the new journey. The name I was given was “Nkqubeko”, which speaks to my life where I must continue leading my life as I did as a boy. I respect old and young people, be kind, smile, and prioritise my passions and studies. In between my journey as ikrwala, where a new identity is formed, and suddenly, people have a say in what you can or can’t do. This is why you find amadoda akwaXhosa perceived to be out of line when they come back from the mountain; the pressure is high. Myself included, I nearly succumbed to it, to the men of the community(including your peers and those before you), abakhuluwa, family and the community in general. I find the Xhosa culture so fluid, where everyone imposes their clan beliefs onto you that you don’t know whom to listen to. Let me tell you; it is safer to take what your father or anyone in your family tells you to do and block the noise. To the general public, let us be lenient towards the new men( amakrwala). I know it is hard, but in that period, they’re taking it all in very hard. You can’t expect them to act all perfectly; they’re more like toddlers crawling and learning to walk( Madoda, this is just a point of reference). To the new men: Don’t get hard-headed, learn every day, and you know what’s right and wrong.