I’m still stuck in my head.

Two straight months, still no will to do anything. With everything that has happened so far I feel like I can really do with a free year. On the other hand I still feel like that will fuck up with my will power big time, not that it’s not fucked up already.

I’ve never been in two episodes in such a short space of time. Especially with them lasting so long. At the same time I think I will later regret a year without being active, not pursuing a certain cause. I’ve been caught up on doing my best to an extent that I don’t even know myself at this point. I’ve always expected the worst anyway, and this year has brought me exactly that. Mentally, physically and spiritually, I just feel drained and it’s not fucken easy thing at all.

Maybe if I can take this break I can learn more about myself and understand this thing that’s like a parasite always taking over when it wants to.