Raindrops are having a conversation, keeping me awake. Thunder constantly, after a while reminds me that we all have our breaking points. Once again, I welcome darkness my old friend. Loud silence wrapping me around her finger. Loneliness rocking me back to sleep, Her kisses leaving pain by Dawn to hold me down into my place. Reality becoming fuzzy and almost fading. The morning star comes and everything but my soul seem to be alive. I feel physical pain in my chest telling me it’s okay to stop breathing. My legs begin their dance, shaking to a rhythm so familiar that I know home is not far. Home, a word meaningless now sugar coating a place I never want to visit. But the tides, the wind always pull me back to it. I hug my legs to stop them from shaking but I can not stop my mind from racing. Sweat dripping from my forehead, my hands trembling. I tell myself I need a distraction before the destruction. I wait, trying to prepare myself for the train of thought before they all hit me and I taste the poison of my mind. The venom that kills me inside out. After all is said and done, I pick up the pieces whispering it’s just one of those days while I’m slowly breaking down, again.

If you are feeling depressed or suicidal, please know that there is help out there and you can get better. Reach out to SADAG counselling 0800 567 567 (toll-free counselling between 8am and 8pm) or their Suicide Crisis Line: 0800 567 567. You are not alone.