The walls of my childhood home are made of mud, rough and uneven, baked hard by an African sun. But inside these walls, life is full of love, happiness and laughter.

What we couldn’t do inside these houses? Absolutely nothing! We can have breakfast while chatting about who bakes the most nice and soft bread. We can go out on the shade during lunchtime while admiring the view of our village. We can cook dinner on my grandmother’s free-standing wood stove while chatting about our dreams, about how our day was at school, helping my younger cousins with her homeworks, basically doing almost anything. And then during night time one chooses if they wanna watch Soapies or they’d rather go to sleep. Obviously there’s no Dstv dish there so it’s SABC 1 and 2 or nothing. Yes it’s 2024 but that’s just how our life shaped.

Ohh and another thing, God blessed us through my younger sister with a very beautiful girl straight from Him “Ayisentle into yaseZulwini” as I’d say looking at her and as she’s holding my whole finger with her tiny hands. The joy she has brought to my family is immeasurable and it’s what made me realize the God’s unquantifiable love. Its constant love that is always there each and everyday. Therefore that is why the name of this beautiful princess is Lolwemihla. She may too have came to these mud walls, but believe you me by the age of 5 she won’t recognize such living conditions! This one should only be known and experienced by us and only us, not our children.

As I reflect on my childhood, I realize that even though those must walls provided a sense of security for us, they also confined me with a limited view of the world. At some points in my life I would even doubt if a person coming from a background like mine would really pass Grade 12 or even reach the university level. Some days I would get caught up between the desire to fit in and the need to stand out. However I guess those cracked walls allowed me to glimpse the possibilities beyond.

As the eldest daughter I carried the weight of expectations and had to set a good example for my sister and most importantly for the betterment of our living conditions. After I had passed my Grade 12 I had to go pursue my degree at university and it wasn’t quite easy. As I navigated through the complexities of being a first year student, coming from a resource-constrained background, meeting people from different parts of the country or even world, I began to wonder :Where do I belong? Nevertheless my grandma’s words shielded me through it all because she said “Hamba uze usimele, uyazazi apho usuka khona uze ungalihlazi elikhaya” meaning ‘go and represent us all, you know where you’re coming from and don’t ever embarrass this family.

These words carried me and encouraged me in a sense that it’s no longer about me but it’s for my family’ s dignity. I studied and graduated and got my qualification. I don’t regret a thing about how I chose to honor her words. It’s unfortunate that she’s no more to congratulate me with her warm beautiful smile but I know that she’s proudly smiling down on me.

Although my home may be built with mud walls and lacks many of the comforts and conveniences that others enjoy, I still strive for a life that is comfortable and fulfilling. The desire for a ‘soft life’ is universal, even if it’s not immediately apparent. Behind every mud wall is a dream, a story, and a family that deserves to live with dignity and respect. While my living conditions may not reflect my aspirations, I remain determined to pursue a better life and create opportunities for myself and my loved ones.