Chapter 1

“Say something I’m giving up on you, IL ‘be the one if you want me to, anywhere I would followed you, say something I’m giving up on you, and I am feeling so small, it was over my head, I know nothing at love , and I will stumble and fall, I’m still learning to love just starting to cry—–”

I am on my way to school and I’m listening to say something. I really love this song. My name is Nkosinaye Gumede, I was born in KwaZulu Natal in a royal family, I am a Zulu prince. My upbringing was revolting, I was never myself, I always acted as a boy while all I wanted was to play with girls. My family knows that I’m gay, but they show a complete disregard because they don’t want to get humiliated. I brought disgrace to my family. When I was 14 years old, I dated with another guy at school, we were so in love, his name was Nkululeko, he was so loving, caring, and loyal to me. He is from a respected family and his father is a friend of my father. Our parents didn’t know that we were dating. He was the first person I loved, and I will never stop loving him. When my father found out that I was dating with him, he called me names and cursed me. We broke up but we never stopped loving each other, he would always remind me how much he loves and misses me. I tried to talk to my father about this, but he didn’t listen to me. He made me be with a girl I didn’t love, I tried to love her, but I had no feelings for her. Even now we are still dating, and my father arranged marriage for us. I always ask myself who I’m I, why I’m like this, but I never found any questions.

I changed the song and put on a song by juice world- once upon a time. It reminded me about Nkululeko, he was my love that was so divine, the same love that ended up in my face because of my father. I hate him for what he did to me. I arrived at school I went to the tuckshop to buy some snacks. I saw him, I saw Nkululeko he was looking good on those two pocket jeans. On the upper body he wore a white hoodie with a brown shacket and Nike Jordan sneakers. I stared at him, my mind went back to the day he approached me and told me he was in love with me. it was a sunny day, and I was seating alone at the park, he came to me and confessed his love for me. I thought no one will ever love me but he did and he loved me at the highest count. My parents never showed me love. He showed me love that was genuinely and true. He loved me the way I was, he never tried to change who I am. I will never forget this guy. He approached me.

Nkululeko: hey.

Nkosinaye: hallow.

Nkululeko: how is you doing?

Nkosinaye: I’m good and you?

Nkululeko: my life has been living a hell without you.

Nkosinaye: mine too but yeah there’s nothing we can do about that, our parents made it clear that they don’t want us to be together.

Nkululeko: so, you a really marrying that girl.

Nkosinaye: yes, there’s nothing I can do.

Nkululeko: so, you won’t fight for us, I thought you loved me but now I see you never loved me.

Nkosinaye: I loved you Nkululeko and I still love you, you were the first person to show me love and affection. There’s nothing I can do to change this, my father already made up his mind about this and he won’t change his mind. I tried many times to make him understand but he will never accept that his son is gay. 

Nkululeko: Nkosinaye why do you always let that man control you, you are 21 years old, and you still let him control you, why do you keep choosing people that don’t love you, people that are ashamed of you. I chose you over my family, but why can’t you do the same thing for me?

Nkosinaye: I won’t do that Nkululeko, I love my family and they always come first to me. Accept this and move on with your life, I am going to get married to the love of my life and you won’t change that.

Nkululeko: This is not you, that man really changed you, this in not the Nkosinaye I know, this is not the Nkosinaye I fell in love with, the Nkosinaye that I was in love with would never talk to me like this, I never thought that you will also betray me but its fine. I wish your marriage goes well.

He walked away. I wanted to go after him and tell him the truth, that I love him, and I want to be with him. He was right, I’m no longer myself, I isolated myself from my friends, the only people that loved me. I chose my family over the people that cared for me, was this the right thing to do? Is my family worth all of this? Does my family love me the way I am? The only answer that came up was no, they never loved me, my family never loved me the way I was. The only thing that they wanted from me was to just get married, have kids and be the next king of KwaZulu Natal. They never cared about my feelings. 

I made my way to the privy, I cried and. I wish I was not born to the royal family. My life was living a hell, I was going to get married to the girl I don’t love. Why does this have to happen to me, why do I have to fake my self to be loved by my family, why do I have to change the person I am just because I want to be loved by my family, why do they don’t love me the way I am. I cried until I was satisfied, I washed my face and went to the classroom. The lecture was teaching I just went to take a seat. My body was at school, but my mind was far away. I didn’t even notice when it was lunch time.

Nolwazi: Nkosinaye.

Nkosinaye: mhhh.

Nolwazi: are you okay?

I just stared at her, Nolwazi is the girl I am going to get married with. She was beautiful and innocent. She was also forced by her family to be with me, I once asked her is this what you want, and she said no. We were both controlled by our parents.

Nkosinaye: Nolwazi I will never be okay ever in my life, I lost my friends and my lover because of my father, I hate him. (I started to cry)

Nolwazi: I know how you are feeling, are you going to let your father control you Nkosinaye?

Nkosinaye: what can I do to stop him?

Nolwazi: you are a man like him, you can do this Nkosinaye, do this for me then.

Nkosinaye: why don’t you fight your father?

Nolwazi: I’m just a girl Nkosinaye I can’t do that, you know that.

Nkosinaye: I don’t think my father would listen to me, but I will try and this time he must choose, I can’t change myself because of him.

We walked together to the tuckshop we bought chicken wrap and can of coke. We sat together while listening to music. The lunch time was over, and we went back to the class.

It was after school; I drove back home and luckily my dad was home. I went inside. I saw him with Nolwazi’s father, they were talking about our marriage.

Nkosinaye: Nkosi yam cela ukukhuluma nawe (king, can I talk to you.)

King: Khuluma ndondana. (Talk son)

Nkosinaye: I can’t marry Nolwazi.

Nolwazi’s father: uyazizwa uthini?

Nkosinaye: ndiyazizwa baba, I can’t marry your daughter I don’t love her, and I will never love her, do you want your daughter to be unhappy for the rest of her life?

King: no one is going to be unhappy here, you will learn to love her, you are going to marry her and that won’t change.

Nkosinaye: I’m tired of being controlled by you dad, I am old now and I am a man. You won’t tell me what to do, I will not marry Nolwazi.

King: how dare you, is this how you talk to your father?

Nkosinaye: father? You are not my father, a father is someone that loves his child no matter how he or she is, you never loved me, you cursed me because I am gay. You called me names, is that how a father should act? huh? talk to me is that how a father treats his son? (I was in tears now) I loved you, I chose you over someone that loved me, I kept on choosing you even though you never showed me love, I always put my family first, but did you guys put me first? I did everything to please you, but did you care how was I feeling? You destroyed me, and you call yourself a father? You are a cruel man not my father.

I walked away, I was angry, I was crying. I went to my room; I packed all my belongings. My mother entered the room.

Mother: son what are you doing? Why are you crying? Why are you packing your things?

Nkosinaye: did he sent you to change my mind? Oh, this time that won’t work mom.

Mother: what are you talking about? Can you please stop what are you doing and talk to me?

Nkosinaye: there’s nothing I will talk about with you.

Mother: son, please talk to me what is wrong.

King: leave him, let him go.

Mother: what? No his my son and I won’t do that, what is wrong with you huh?

King: you can follow him if you want to, no one is going to disrespect me in my house. I am the king and if you don’t want to listen to me then leave.

Mother: you are going to regret this.

She went to pack her clothes and we made their way out.

Nkosinaye: before I leave, I want you to know that I love you and I will always love you, but I won’t change myself because of you.

Mother: let’s go son.

Chapter 2

I woke up the next day in my aunt’s house, my head was painful. I got off the bed and took painkillers. I drank them with water. I took a bath, after I was done, I wore my trackpants and hoodie. I wore a black leather jacket on top. I went downstairs and I was met by a nice smell. I love my aunt’s cooking; she cooks delicious food.

Nkosinaye: Good morning my family.

Aunt Simile: good morning my prince.

Nkosinaye: don’t ever call me that, I’m not a prince.

Aunt Simile: Nonkanyiso what is wrong with your son (laughing).

Nonkanyiso: nothing is wrong with my son, I’m no longer a queen either.

Aunt Simile: ndilahlekile manje. (I’m lost now.)

Nonkanyiso: your brother-in-law kicked us out of his house, and I don’t know why.

Nkosinaye: can we please stop talking about this, I’m hungry.

Aunt Simile: eat your ass.

Nkosinaye: what? You will never change shame. (laughing) I missed you so much.

Aunt Simile: I missed you too my son, I bet you only missed my cooking.

Nkosinaye: I also missed that, and I can’t wait to eat my breakfast.

We ate our breakfast while chatting about old days. I really love my aunt, she’s so adorable and nice. She accepted me the way I was, and she always told me to be myself and not let anyone change who I am.

Nonkanyiso: Nkosinaye I think I need to know what happened between you and your father.

Nkosinaye: he’s not my father.

Nonkanyiso: what happened?

Nkosinaye: I told him that I won’t marry Nolwazi, and I won’t change who I am because of him.

Aunt Simile: that’s my nephew. You did well my son.

Nonkanyiso: how could you do that Nkosinaye? You are a prince, and you must get married, what were you thinking?

Nkosinaye: I’m not a prince and mom I won’t marry someone I don’t love because of you, I love Nkululeko and he’s the one for me, if you don’t want to accept that then leave me and go to your husband.

Nonkanyiso: I love you son and I want the best for you, please marry Nolwazi, she’s the one for you.

Nkosinaye: no mom I don’t love her, I am gay and that won’t change.

Aunt Simile: Nkosinaye can you please leave us; I want to talk to your mother. 

Nkosinaye: I’m going out.

I took my car keys and went to where Nkululeko lived. He was living in a flat.

Aunt Simile’s house.

Aunt Simile: Nonkanyiso do you want to lose your son?

Nonkanyiso: He can’t be gay; I didn’t give birth to a gay son.

Aunt Simile: he is gay, and you must accept that otherwise he will end up choosing other people over you, do you want that?

Nonkanyiso: no, I tried to accept him Simile, but I can’t, I had dreams for him, I wanted him to get married and have kids (crying) I love my son I want the best for him, being gay will destroy him, that is the evil spirit.

Aunt Simile: what? Nonkanyiso, are you calling your son evil? Are you hearing yourself?

Nonkanyiso: Simile gay people have evil spirits, and I won’t let my son be that person, God only created a man and a woman not gays, not lesbians.

Aunt Simile: you are so unbelievable, did God said we must judge other people huh? I don’t even remember a scripture in a bible that says being gay and lesbian is a sin.

Nonkanyiso: did God said we must change how he created us?

Aunt Simile: don’t use the name of God to make excuses. Your son is gay Nonkanyiso, and he needs you to be there for him and support him not to judge him. You are the only person he has now, do you want him to leave you the same way he left his father, he chose Nkululeko over his father, do you also want him to choose someone else over you? why is this hard for you? if you love your son Nonkanyiso you will accept him as he is. Stop crying and fix your issues.

She left her there crying.

Nkululeko’s flat

I knocked at his door, my heart was beating fast and racing.

Nkululeko: come in, the door is open. 

I got inside.

Nkosinaye: hey.

Nkululeko: what are you doing here. (Surprised.)

Nkosinaye: can I seat.

Nkululeko: suit yourself.

Nkosinaye: thank you.

Nkululeko: I asked you a question.

Nkosinaye: I came here to fix things between us, I want you Nkululeko, I love you.

Nkululeko: is this a prank or what.

Nkosinaye: I’m not pranking you; I love you Nkululeko and I mean it, I chose you and I will always choose the one I love, I packed my clothes and went out of my father’s house. I told him that I don’t want to marry Nolwazi and I won’t change the way I am because of him, he didn’t say anything he just stared at me with angry eyes (crying) he didn’t beg me nor apologise, he just told me to go if I want to, he never loved me Nkululeko he never loved me that is why I chose you because you are the one that loved me the way I was , you accepted me. I’m sorry for what I’ve put you through, I was wrong, can you please forgive me.

Nkululeko: (he closer to me and he hugged me. we hugged each other tightly.) I never want to lose you again Nkosinaye, promise me that you won’t leave me again.

Nkosinaye: I promise Nkululeko, I will never leave you again, I will always choose you.

Nkululeko: I love you.

Nkosinaye: I love you too.

My heart was at peace, I did the right thing for me, I chose the one I love.

Chapter 3

Today I decided to wake up early and make breakfast for my lovely family (Aunt Simile and my mother.) I wish that my mother accepts me the way I am. When I got back home yesterday, I found my mother crying and I tried to talk to her, she called me evil and walked away. I was really hurt but I know that she didn’t mean that. She loves me so much and she would do anything to make me happy. I know that.

Aunt Simile: mmmm who is cooking?

Nkosinaye: the one and only Nkosinaye in the world.

Aunt Simile: I can see you are in a good mood today, split it out, I want to hear each and everything.

Nkosinaye: so yesterday I went to Nkululeko, I told him everything and he took me back, we are together again Aunt.

Aunt Simile: I am happy for you, my son.

Nkosinaye: thank you, the breakfast will be ready soon, where is mom?

Aunt Simile: she’s still sleeping, my son come and sit down I want to talk to you.

Nkosinaye: sure, wait a moment

I switched off the stove and went to take a sit next to her.

Aunt Simile: Nkosinaye I tried to talk sense to your mother, but I don’t thing she will change her mind about how she thinks about you.

Nkosinaye: why is it hard for her to accept me, you accepted me the way I am, but you are not even my mother. Why is it hard for her to accept her son?

Aunt Simile: its not easy to accept that the son you gave birth to is gay, she had big dreams for you, she expected you to be married with a girl and have kids, but you did the opposite, it won’t be easy for her to just accept you, please let her be and be patient with her as time goes, she will accept you.

Nkosinaye: I don’t know why I must always please people to accept me.

Aunt Simile: what do you think about your father?

Nkosinaye: he will never accept me, and I won’t please him.

Aunt Simile: he’s your father son, I understand he treated you bad, but he is a king, and he must do everything accordingly to the rituals. It will take time for him to accept you, please be patient with your parents. 

Nkosinaye: I understand, thank you.

Aunt Simile: I love you and you are like a son to me so I would do anything for you without hesitating.

Nkosinaye: I love you too my aunt, I wish that one day you would have your own son.

Aunt Simile: I can’t have children my son.

Nkosinaye: I’m sorry I didn’t know that.

Aunt Simile: you are my only son.

We hugged. I really love this woman. I wish that she was my biological mother.

Nonkanyiso: you guys are selfish why didn’t you woke me up.

Aunt Simile: you want us to die while we are young, you know yourself sisi when you are sleeping you don’t want to be disturbed.

Nonkanyiso: whatever, am I smelling the smell of soft porridge.

My mother loves soft porridge, especially when I cook it.

Nkosinaye: yes, and I cooked it for you.

Nonkanyiso: thank you my son, why are you not mad at me?

Nkosinaye: why should I be mad at you?

Nonkanyiso: I’m sorry for the way I acted yesterday, I was confused and angry, I had big dreams for you but those were my dreams not yours, what is important is your dreams my son, I judged you and called you names, please forgive me.

Nkosinaye: I forgive you mom.

I got up and hugged her. She cried and thanked me. I was so happy that finally my mother accepted me.

Nonkanyiso: (wiping her tears.) I love you my son and I like seeing you happy, if he makes you happy then be with him.

Nkosinaye: thank you so much mom, this means a lot to me. I asked him to come over today, Aunt Simile doesn’t know him.

Aunt Simile: and I can’t wait to meet him.

We ate breakfast while chatting about my boyfriend. My mother told me how she met dad. They met at a party; my father didn’t know that my mother is from a royal family. They started dating and when they found that they are both from royal family, they got married. My mother missed dad a lot so she said she will invite him over maybe he will end up changing his mind.

Nkululeko told me he was on his way.

Nkosinaye: Aunt, mom Nkululeko is on his way here, lets quickly set the table.

Aunt Simile: sure, what about King?

Nonkanyiso: he said there’s something he’s busy with. He won’t make it.

Nkosinaye: it’s cool, I knew it.

That hurt me.

Aunt Simile: my son don’t let him hurt you.

Nkosinaye: I’m not hurt.

Nkululeko arrived.

Nkululeko: good afternoon, everyone.

Aunt Simile: (to me) he’s hot, hallow my son how are you.

Nkululeko: I’m fine mom how are you?

Aunt Simile: I’m happy to see you, my son.

Nonkanyiso: long time no see.

Nkululeko: my queen, it’s been a long time hey.

Nonkanyiso: how are your parents doing?

Nkululeko: I don’t know, I last saw them when I moved out of the house.

Nonkanyiso: take a sit my son, don’t you think its time to fix things between you and your parents?

Nkululeko: they won’t accept me, I tried to talk to them.

Nonkanyiso: they will accept you as time goes, I invited them over today, I hope you won’t be mad at me for doing that.

Nkosinaye: mom why didn’t you tell me?

Nonkanyiso: I knew you wouldn’t like that; I did this for you my son, I want you guys to be free.

Mrs and Mr Khumalo entered the house with their daughter.

Mr Khumalo: good afternoon, everyone.

Everyone: good afternoon chief.

Mr Khumalo: (he noticed his son) Nkululeko.

Nkululeko: Baba.

Mr Khumalo: my son (they hugged) I’m sorry for everything I did to you, I’m sorry my son can you please forgive me.

Nkululeko: I don’t know what to do, I loved you dad, I begged you to accept me, but you didn’t, I don’t know if I should forgive you or not. I got used to not having a family, it will be hard for me to forgive you.

Mrs Khumalo: oh, my son we didn’t mean to abandon you, we were confused and upset please son forgive us.

Nkululeko: I’m sorry mom I can’t.

He took his sit, everyone got settled, we ate lunch while chatting. Nkululeko didn’t hate his parents, but he didn’t want anything to do with them again, they cursed him and throw him out of the house. He spent three nights sleeping at the streets, I wanted to help him, but my father never let me. I don’t think he will ever forgive his parents. We heard a knock on the door. I went to open; I was shocked to see my father at the doorstep.

King: can I come in?

Nkosinaye: yes.

King: good afternoon, everyone.

Everyone: (standing up and bowing) good afternoon king.

Nonkanyiso: my husband (hugging him) I missed you.

King: (kissing her) I missed you more my wife.

Aunt Simile: get a room.

King: we apologise, (looking at me) how are you, my son?

Nkosinaye: I was happy without you.

Aunt Simile: Nkosinaye, we talked about this.

King: I deserve that, can I talk to you son.

Nkosinaye: you can talk here in front of everyone.

King: I love you my son-

Nkosinaye: (he didn’t wait for him to say what he wants to say) sit down and eat, I don’t want to hear anything that comes out of your mouth.

He sat down hurt. The lunch was amazing everyone was happy about the food. Now it was time for the Khumalo family to leave.

Aunt Simile: it was good to have you guys around, hope you travel well.

Mr Khumalo: thank you sisi, Nkululeko my son I hope one day you will find a place in your heart to forgive us. We will always love you son.

Nkululeko: Sure.

They went out.

Nonkanyiso: Nkululeko my son I understand your parents treated you like trash, but they never meant to hurt you, they were just angry at you.

Nkululeko: I know mom, I have forgiven them, but I don’t want them to feel like they can do anything to me and be forgiven just like that. 

Aunt Simile: I thought you really meant what you said to them.

King: I think its time for me and my family to also leave now.

Nonkanyiso: I will leave only if Nkosinaye come with us.

Nkosinaye: this is my home; I won’t go anywhere.

King: I am sorry my son, please forgive me for what I did to you.

Nkosiyabo: you can go king, you are no longer my father, you showed me your true colours, you abandon me when I needed you the most(crying) I chose you many times, but you never chose me. I loved you so much, but you never loved me. I’m not the son you always wanted, and I will never be. Mom you can go with him I don’t mind, I will come see you, I love you mom.

King: (kneeling down) please my son, please forgive me.

Nkosinaye: I can’t, please go.

Nonkanyiso: oh, my son please forgive him, it was never his intentions to hurt you, please forgive him.

Nkosinaye: I can’t, I’m sorry.

Nkululeko: please my baby, this is your father, you need him please forgive him.

Nkosinaye: you don’t know what this man put me through, he called me by names, he made me broke up with you and my friends. He—

I cried; I didn’t want my mother to know about this.

Chapter 4

My father begged me; he was crying begging me to forgive him, but I hated him so much. I couldn’t forgive him, I wanted to tell my mother about what he did to me, but I didn’t want them to break up.

King: (crying) I am sorry my son I didn’t mean to did that to you, I know I did terrible things to you, can you please forgive me.

Nkosinaye: Mom your husband forced me to sleep with Nolwazi, he wanted me to impregnant Nolwazi so that her family could agree for her to marry me, I begged him, I cried begging him to stop what he was doing, Nolwazi was crying, I raped Nolwazi because of him, he pointed a gun on my head and forced me to do it, while Nolwazi was crying.

Nonkanyiso: what? Sizwe is this true?

Sizwe: I am sorry my wife.

Nonkanyiso: (crying) no! no Sizwe no!

Sizwe: I didn’t mean to do that, I wanted their power, I am sorry my son, I am sorry my wife.

My mother was crying hysterically. Aunt Simile told the king to go and never come back to her house. He went out. i tried to calm my mother down and now she was calm.

Nonkanyiso: when did this happen?

Nkosinaye: last month, it is in the past now mom let’s not talk about it.

Nonkanyiso: I’m sorry my son.

Nkosinaye: it was never your fault.

We hugged. After telling mom about this I felt relief, my heart was at peace, and I felt like I’ve forgiven him.

Nkosinaye: I forgive him, I need to talk to him.

I went outside to check; his car was still there. I went to it, I saw him, he was crying, I knocked on the window. He wiped his tears and got out of the car.

Nkosinaye: I forgive you father.

We hugged.

 Starting from then we lived happily, and I got married to Nkululeko. It was a big wedding. We decided to adopt a baby boy. We opened a programme called My pride; it was a programme to support the LGBTQ members.

The end.Chapter 1

“say something I’m giving up on you, IL ‘be the one if you want me to, anywhere I would followed you, say something I’m giving up on you, and I am feeling so small, it was over my head, I know nothing at love , and I will stumble and fall, I’m still learning to love just starting to cry—–”

I am on my way to school and I’m listening to say something. I really love this song. My name is Nkosinaye Gumede, I was born in KwaZulu Natal in a royal family, I am a Zulu prince. My upbringing was revolting, I was never myself, I always acted as a boy while all I wanted was to play with girls. My family knows that I’m gay, but they show a complete disregard because they don’t want to get humiliated. I brought disgrace to my family. When I was 14 years old, I dated with another guy at school, we were so in love, his name was Nkululeko, he was so loving, caring, and loyal to me. He is from a respected family and his father is a friend of my father. Our parents didn’t know that we were dating. He was the first person I loved, and I will never stop loving him. When my father found out that I was dating with him, he called me names and cursed me. We broke up but we never stopped loving each other, he would always remind me how much he loves and misses me. I tried to talk to my father about this, but he didn’t listen to me. He made me be with a girl I didn’t love, I tried to love her, but I had no feelings for her. Even now we are still dating, and my father arranged marriage for us. I always ask myself who I’m I, why I’m like this, but I never found any questions.

I changed the song and put on a song by juice world- once upon a time. It reminded me about Nkululeko, he was my love that was so divine, the same love that ended up in my face because of my father. I hate him for what he did to me. I arrived at school I went to the tuckshop to buy some snacks. I saw him, I saw Nkululeko he was looking good on those two pocket jeans. On the upper body he wore a white hoodie with a brown shacket and Nike Jordan sneakers. I stared at him, my mind went back to the day he approached me and told me he was in love with me. it was a sunny day, and I was seating alone at the park, he came to me and confessed his love for me. I thought no one will ever love me but he did and he loved me at the highest count. My parents never showed me love. He showed me love that was genuinely and true. He loved me the way I was, he never tried to change who I am. I will never forget this guy. He approached me.

Nkululeko: hey.

Nkosinaye: hallow.

Nkululeko: how is you doing?

Nkosinaye: I’m good and you?

Nkululeko: my life has been living a hell without you.

Nkosinaye: mine too but yeah there’s nothing we can do about that, our parents made it clear that they don’t want us to be together.

Nkululeko: so, you a really marrying that girl.

Nkosinaye: yes, there’s nothing I can do.

Nkululeko: so, you won’t fight for us, I thought you loved me but now I see you never loved me.

Nkosinaye: I loved you Nkululeko and I still love you, you were the first person to show me love and affection. There’s nothing I can do to change this, my father already made up his mind about this and he won’t change his mind. I tried many times to make him understand but he will never accept that his son is gay.

Nkululeko: Nkosinaye why do you always let that man control you, you are 21 years old, and you still let him control you, why do you keep choosing people that don’t love you, people that are ashamed of you. I chose you over my family, but why can’t you do the same thing for me?

Nkosinaye: I won’t do that Nkululeko, I love my family and they always come first to me. Accept this and move on with your life, I am going to get married to the love of my life and you won’t change that.

Nkululeko: This is not you, that man really changed you, this in not the Nkosinaye I know, this is not the Nkosinaye I fell in love with, the Nkosinaye that I was in love with would never talk to me like this, I never thought that you will also betray me but its fine. I wish your marriage goes well.

He walked away. I wanted to go after him and tell him the truth, that I love him, and I want to be with him. He was right, I’m no longer myself, I isolated myself from my friends, the only people that loved me. I chose my family over the people that cared for me, was this the right thing to do? Is my family worth all of this? Does my family love me the way I am? The only answer that came up was no, they never loved me, my family never loved me the way I was. The only thing that they wanted from me was to just get married, have kids and be the next king of KwaZulu Natal. They never cared about my feelings.

I made my way to the privy, I cried and. I wish I was not born to the royal family. My life was living a hell, I was going to get married to the girl I don’t love. Why does this have to happen to me, why do I have to fake my self to be loved by my family, why do I have to change the person I am just because I want to be loved by my family, why do they don’t love me the way I am. I cried until I was satisfied, I washed my face and went to the classroom. The lecture was teaching I just went to take a seat. My body was at school, but my mind was far away. I didn’t even notice when it was lunch time.

Nolwazi: Nkosinaye.

Nkosinaye: mhhh.

Nolwazi: are you okay?

I just stared at her, Nolwazi is the girl I am going to get married with. She was beautiful and innocent. She was also forced by her family to be with me, I once asked her is this what you want, and she said no. We were both controlled by our parents.

Nkosinaye: Nolwazi I will never be okay ever in my life, I lost my friends and my lover because of my father, I hate him. (I started to cry)

Nolwazi: I know how you are feeling, are you going to let your father control you Nkosinaye?

Nkosinaye: what can I do to stop him?

Nolwazi: you are a man like him, you can do this Nkosinaye, do this for me then.

Nkosinaye: why don’t you fight your father?

Nolwazi: I’m just a girl Nkosinaye I can’t do that, you know that.

Nkosinaye: I don’t think my father would listen to me, but I will try and this time he must choose, I can’t change myself because of him.

We walked together to the tuckshop we bought chicken wrap and can of coke. We sat together while listening to music. The lunch time was over, and we went back to the class.

It was after school; I drove back home and luckily my dad was home. I went inside. I saw him with Nolwazi’s father, they were talking about our marriage.

Nkosinaye: Nkosi yam cela ukukhuluma nawe (king, can I talk to you.)

King: Khuluma ndondana. (Talk son)

Nkosinaye: I can’t marry Nolwazi.

Nolwazi’s father: uyazizwa uthini?

Nkosinaye: ndiyazizwa baba, I can’t marry your daughter I don’t love her, and I will never love her, do you want your daughter to be unhappy for the rest of her life?

King: no one is going to be unhappy here, you will learn to love her, you are going to marry her and that won’t change.

Nkosinaye: I’m tired of being controlled by you dad, I am old now and I am a man. You won’t tell me what to do, I will not marry Nolwazi.

King: how dare you, is this how you talk to your father?

Nkosinaye: father? You are not my father, a father is someone that loves his child no matter how he or she is, you never loved me, you cursed me because I am gay. You called me names, is that how a father should act? huh? talk to me is that how a father treats his son? (I was in tears now) I loved you, I chose you over someone that loved me, I kept on choosing you even though you never showed me love, I always put my family first, but did you guys put me first? I did everything to please you, but did you care how was I feeling? You destroyed me, and you call yourself a father? You are a cruel man not my father.

I walked away, I was angry, I was crying. I went to my room; I packed all my belongings. My mother entered the room.

Mother: son what are you doing? Why are you crying? Why are you packing your things?

Nkosinaye: did he sent you to change my mind? Oh, this time that won’t work mom.

Mother: what are you talking about? Can you please stop what are you doing and talk to me?

Nkosinaye: there’s nothing I will talk about with you.

Mother: son, please talk to me what is wrong.

King: leave him, let him go.

Mother: what? No his my son and I won’t do that, what is wrong with you huh?

King: you can follow him if you want to, no one is going to disrespect me in my house. I am the king and if you don’t want to listen to me then leave.

Mother: you are going to regret this.

She went to pack her clothes and we made their way out.

Nkosinaye: before I leave, I want you to know that I love you and I will always love you, but I won’t change myself because of you.

Mother: let’s go son.

Chapter 2

I woke up the next day in my aunt’s house, my head was painful. I got off the bed and took painkillers. I drank them with water. I took a bath, after I was done, I wore my trackpants and hoodie. I wore a black leather jacket on top. I went downstairs and I was met by a nice smell. I love my aunt’s cooking; she cooks delicious food.

Nkosinaye: Good morning my family.

Aunt Simile: good morning my prince.

Nkosinaye: don’t ever call me that, I’m not a prince.

Aunt Simile: Nonkanyiso what is wrong with your son (laughing).

Nonkanyiso: nothing is wrong with my son, I’m no longer a queen either.

Aunt Simile: ndilahlekile manje. (I’m lost now.)

Nonkanyiso: your brother-in-law kicked us out of his house, and I don’t know why.

Nkosinaye: can we please stop talking about this, I’m hungry.

Aunt Simile: eat your ass.

Nkosinaye: what? You will never change shame. (laughing) I missed you so much.

Aunt Simile: I missed you too my son, I bet you only missed my cooking.

Nkosinaye: I also missed that, and I can’t wait to eat my breakfast.

We ate our breakfast while chatting about old days. I really love my aunt, she’s so adorable and nice. She accepted me the way I was, and she always told me to be myself and not let anyone change who I am.

Nonkanyiso: Nkosinaye I think I need to know what happened between you and your father.

Nkosinaye: he’s not my father.

Nonkanyiso: what happened?

Nkosinaye: I told him that I won’t marry Nolwazi, and I won’t change who I am because of him.

Aunt Simile: that’s my nephew. You did well my son.

Nonkanyiso: how could you do that Nkosinaye? You are a prince, and you must get married, what were you thinking?

Nkosinaye: I’m not a prince and mom I won’t marry someone I don’t love because of you, I love Nkululeko and he’s the one for me, if you don’t want to accept that then leave me and go to your husband.

Nonkanyiso: I love you son and I want the best for you, please marry Nolwazi, she’s the one for you.

Nkosinaye: no mom I don’t love her, I am gay and that won’t change.

Aunt Simile: Nkosinaye can you please leave us; I want to talk to your mother.

Nkosinaye: I’m going out.

I took my car keys and went to where Nkululeko lived. He was living in a flat.

Aunt Simile’s house.

Aunt Simile: Nonkanyiso do you want to lose your son?

Nonkanyiso: He can’t be gay; I didn’t give birth to a gay son.

Aunt Simile: he is gay, and you must accept that otherwise he will end up choosing other people over you, do you want that?

Nonkanyiso: no, I tried to accept him Simile, but I can’t, I had dreams for him, I wanted him to get married and have kids (crying) I love my son I want the best for him, being gay will destroy him, that is the evil spirit.

Aunt Simile: what? Nonkanyiso, are you calling your son evil? Are you hearing yourself?

Nonkanyiso: Simile gay people have evil spirits, and I won’t let my son be that person, God only created a man and a woman not gays, not lesbians.

Aunt Simile: you are so unbelievable, did God said we must judge other people huh? I don’t even remember a scripture in a bible that says being gay and lesbian is a sin.

Nonkanyiso: did God said we must change how he created us?

Aunt Simile: don’t use the name of God to make excuses. Your son is gay Nonkanyiso, and he needs you to be there for him and support him not to judge him. You are the only person he has now, do you want him to leave you the same way he left his father, he chose Nkululeko over his father, do you also want him to choose someone else over you? why is this hard for you? if you love your son Nonkanyiso you will accept him as he is. Stop crying and fix your issues.

She left her there crying.

Nkululeko’s flat

I knocked at his door, my heart was beating fast and racing.

Nkululeko: come in, the door is open.

I got inside.

Nkosinaye: hey.

Nkululeko: what are you doing here. (Surprised.)

Nkosinaye: can I seat.

Nkululeko: suit yourself.

Nkosinaye: thank you.

Nkululeko: I asked you a question.

Nkosinaye: I came here to fix things between us, I want you Nkululeko, I love you.

Nkululeko: is this a prank or what.

Nkosinaye: I’m not pranking you; I love you Nkululeko and I mean it, I chose you and I will always choose the one I love, I packed my clothes and went out of my father’s house. I told him that I don’t want to marry Nolwazi and I won’t change the way I am because of him, he didn’t say anything he just stared at me with angry eyes (crying) he didn’t beg me nor apologise, he just told me to go if I want to, he never loved me Nkululeko he never loved me that is why I chose you because you are the one that loved me the way I was , you accepted me. I’m sorry for what I’ve put you through, I was wrong, can you please forgive me.

Nkululeko: (he closer to me and he hugged me. we hugged each other tightly.) I never want to lose you again Nkosinaye, promise me that you won’t leave me again.

Nkosinaye: I promise Nkululeko, I will never leave you again, I will always choose you.

Nkululeko: I love you.

Nkosinaye: I love you too.

My heart was at peace, I did the right thing for me, I chose the one I love.

Chapter 3

Today I decided to wake up early and make breakfast for my lovely family (Aunt Simile and my mother.) I wish that my mother accepts me the way I am. When I got back home yesterday, I found my mother crying and I tried to talk to her, she called me evil and walked away. I was really hurt but I know that she didn’t mean that. She loves me so much and she would do anything to make me happy. I know that.

Aunt Simile: mmmm who is cooking?

Nkosinaye: the one and only Nkosinaye in the world.

Aunt Simile: I can see you are in a good mood today, split it out, I want to hear each and everything.

Nkosinaye: so yesterday I went to Nkululeko, I told him everything and he took me back, we are together again Aunt.

Aunt Simile: I am happy for you, my son.

Nkosinaye: thank you, the breakfast will be ready soon, where is mom?

Aunt Simile: she’s still sleeping, my son come and sit down I want to talk to you.

Nkosinaye: sure, wait a moment

I switched off the stove and went to take a sit next to her.

Aunt Simile: Nkosinaye I tried to talk sense to your mother, but I don’t thing she will change her mind about how she thinks about you.

Nkosinaye: why is it hard for her to accept me, you accepted me the way I am, but you are not even my mother. Why is it hard for her to accept her son?

Aunt Simile: its not easy to accept that the son you gave birth to is gay, she had big dreams for you, she expected you to be married with a girl and have kids, but you did the opposite, it won’t be easy for her to just accept you, please let her be and be patient with her as time goes, she will accept you.

Nkosinaye: I don’t know why I must always please people to accept me.

Aunt Simile: what do you think about your father?

Nkosinaye: he will never accept me, and I won’t please him.

Aunt Simile: he’s your father son, I understand he treated you bad, but he is a king, and he must do everything accordingly to the rituals. It will take time for him to accept you, please be patient with your parents.

Nkosinaye: I understand, thank you.

Aunt Simile: I love you and you are like a son to me so I would do anything for you without hesitating.

Nkosinaye: I love you too my aunt, I wish that one day you would have your own son.

Aunt Simile: I can’t have children my son.

Nkosinaye: I’m sorry I didn’t know that.

Aunt Simile: you are my only son.

We hugged. I really love this woman. I wish that she was my biological mother.

Nonkanyiso: you guys are selfish why didn’t you woke me up.

Aunt Simile: you want us to die while we are young, you know yourself sisi when you are sleeping you don’t want to be disturbed.

Nonkanyiso: whatever, am I smelling the smell of soft porridge.

My mother loves soft porridge, especially when I cook it.

Nkosinaye: yes, and I cooked it for you.

Nonkanyiso: thank you my son, why are you not mad at me?

Nkosinaye: why should I be mad at you?

Nonkanyiso: I’m sorry for the way I acted yesterday, I was confused and angry, I had big dreams for you but those were my dreams not yours, what is important is your dreams my son, I judged you and called you names, please forgive me.

Nkosinaye: I forgive you mom.

I got up and hugged her. She cried and thanked me. I was so happy that finally my mother accepted me.

Nonkanyiso: (wiping her tears.) I love you my son and I like seeing you happy, if he makes you happy then be with him.

Nkosinaye: thank you so much mom, this means a lot to me. I asked him to come over today, Aunt Simile doesn’t know him.

Aunt Simile: and I can’t wait to meet him.

We ate breakfast while chatting about my boyfriend. My mother told me how she met dad. They met at a party; my father didn’t know that my mother is from a royal family. They started dating and when they found that they are both from royal family, they got married. My mother missed dad a lot so she said she will invite him over maybe he will end up changing his mind.

Nkululeko told me he was on his way.

Nkosinaye: Aunt, mom Nkululeko is on his way here, lets quickly set the table.

Aunt Simile: sure, what about King?

Nonkanyiso: he said there’s something he’s busy with. He won’t make it.

Nkosinaye: it’s cool, I knew it.

That hurt me.

Aunt Simile: my son don’t let him hurt you.

Nkosinaye: I’m not hurt.

Nkululeko arrived.

Nkululeko: good afternoon, everyone.

Aunt Simile: (to me) he’s hot, hallow my son how are you.

Nkululeko: I’m fine mom how are you?

Aunt Simile: I’m happy to see you, my son.

Nonkanyiso: long time no see.

Nkululeko: my queen, it’s been a long time hey.

Nonkanyiso: how are your parents doing?

Nkululeko: I don’t know, I last saw them when I moved out of the house.

Nonkanyiso: take a sit my son, don’t you think its time to fix things between you and your parents?

Nkululeko: they won’t accept me, I tried to talk to them.

Nonkanyiso: they will accept you as time goes, I invited them over today, I hope you won’t be mad at me for doing that.

Nkosinaye: mom why didn’t you tell me?

Nonkanyiso: I knew you wouldn’t like that; I did this for you my son, I want you guys to be free.

Mrs and Mr Khumalo entered the house with their daughter.

Mr Khumalo: good afternoon, everyone.

Everyone: good afternoon chief.

Mr Khumalo: (he noticed his son) Nkululeko.

Nkululeko: Baba.

Mr Khumalo: my son (they hugged) I’m sorry for everything I did to you, I’m sorry my son can you please forgive me.

Nkululeko: I don’t know what to do, I loved you dad, I begged you to accept me, but you didn’t, I don’t know if I should forgive you or not. I got used to not having a family, it will be hard for me to forgive you.

Mrs Khumalo: oh, my son we didn’t mean to abandon you, we were confused and upset please son forgive us.

Nkululeko: I’m sorry mom I can’t.

He took his sit, everyone got settled, we ate lunch while chatting. Nkululeko didn’t hate his parents, but he didn’t want anything to do with them again, they cursed him and throw him out of the house. He spent three nights sleeping at the streets, I wanted to help him, but my father never let me. I don’t think he will ever forgive his parents. We heard a knock on the door. I went to open; I was shocked to see my father at the doorstep.

King: can I come in?

Nkosinaye: yes.

King: good afternoon, everyone.

Everyone: (standing up and bowing) good afternoon king.

Nonkanyiso: my husband (hugging him) I missed you.

King: (kissing her) I missed you more my wife.

Aunt Simile: get a room.

King: we apologise, (looking at me) how are you, my son?

Nkosinaye: I was happy without you.

Aunt Simile: Nkosinaye, we talked about this.

King: I deserve that, can I talk to you son.

Nkosinaye: you can talk here in front of everyone.

King: I love you my son-

Nkosinaye: (he didn’t wait for him to say what he wants to say) sit down and eat, I don’t want to hear anything that comes out of your mouth.

He sat down hurt. The lunch was amazing everyone was happy about the food. Now it was time for the Khumalo family to leave.

Aunt Simile: it was good to have you guys around, hope you travel well.

Mr Khumalo: thank you sisi, Nkululeko my son I hope one day you will find a place in your heart to forgive us. We will always love you son.

Nkululeko: Sure.

They went out.

Nonkanyiso: Nkululeko my son I understand your parents treated you like trash, but they never meant to hurt you, they were just angry at you.

Nkululeko: I know mom, I have forgiven them, but I don’t want them to feel like they can do anything to me and be forgiven just like that.

Aunt Simile: I thought you really meant what you said to them.

King: I think its time for me and my family to also leave now.

Nonkanyiso: I will leave only if Nkosinaye come with us.

Nkosinaye: this is my home; I won’t go anywhere.

King: I am sorry my son, please forgive me for what I did to you.

Nkosiyabo: you can go king, you are no longer my father, you showed me your true colours, you abandon me when I needed you the most(crying) I chose you many times, but you never chose me. I loved you so much, but you never loved me. I’m not the son you always wanted, and I will never be. Mom you can go with him I don’t mind, I will come see you, I love you mom.

King: (kneeling down) please my son, please forgive me.

Nkosinaye: I can’t, please go.

Nonkanyiso: oh, my son please forgive him, it was never his intentions to hurt you, please forgive him.

Nkosinaye: I can’t, I’m sorry.

Nkululeko: please my baby, this is your father, you need him please forgive him.

Nkosinaye: you don’t know what this man put me through, he called me by names, he made me broke up with you and my friends. He—

I cried; I didn’t want my mother to know about this.

Chapter 4

My father begged me; he was crying begging me to forgive him, but I hated him so much. I couldn’t forgive him, I wanted to tell my mother about what he did to me, but I didn’t want them to break up.

King: (crying) I am sorry my son I didn’t mean to did that to you, I know I did terrible things to you, can you please forgive me.

Nkosinaye: Mom your husband forced me to sleep with Nolwazi, he wanted me to impregnant Nolwazi so that her family could agree for her to marry me, I begged him, I cried begging him to stop what he was doing, Nolwazi was crying, I raped Nolwazi because of him, he pointed a gun on my head and forced me to do it, while Nolwazi was crying.

Nonkanyiso: what? Sizwe is this true?

Sizwe: I am sorry my wife.

Nonkanyiso: (crying) no! no Sizwe no!

Sizwe: I didn’t mean to do that, I wanted their power, I am sorry my son, I am sorry my wife.

My mother was crying hysterically. Aunt Simile told the king to go and never come back to her house. He went out. i tried to calm my mother down and now she was calm.

Nonkanyiso: when did this happen?

Nkosinaye: last month, it is in the past now mom let’s not talk about it.

Nonkanyiso: I’m sorry my son.

Nkosinaye: it was never your fault.

We hugged. After telling mom about this I felt relief, my heart was at peace, and I felt like I’ve forgiven him.

Nkosinaye: I forgive him, I need to talk to him.

I went outside to check; his car was still there. I went to it, I saw him, he was crying, I knocked on the window. He wiped his tears and got out of the car.

Nkosinaye: I forgive you father.

We hugged.

Starting from then we lived happily, and I got married to Nkululeko. It was a big wedding. We decided to adopt a baby boy. We opened a programme called My pride; it was a programme to support the LGBTQ members.

The end.