HOW ARE YOU?

im well actually…SHOCKING!! truth be told you are how you think you are . no sense….no worries i will break it down for you . if this morning the moment you opened your eyes to dawn, stuck a foot out of the blanket and thought HERE WE GO AGAIN . that right there ladies and gentlemen is your day ,your week,month or even year. that there tells you enough about how you are doing. this is how you are programmed( almost like computers but you know …alive). my point is you choose that to be your first thought of the day and thats okay….i think. ON THE OTHER HAND if the first thing you think is TODAY IS GOING TO BE A GREAT F DAY!!! with a grin on your face (psychopaths… no offence) then believe it or not you just shaped your day. you just made that cup of coffee more … whats the word DELIGHTFUL! , yes , great and your lunch you say absolutely SPLENDID! . Now if you have continued to read thus far then its only two things…one, you really care about ME and thats cool(I LOVE YOU actually because what do you mean you care about me ) or …a big one ..OR you have nothing better to do with your time (thats what you think because hello…PROCRASTINATION) . either way im grateful. now aside from the terrible punctuations and unnecessary CAPITAL LETTERS (see what i did there…) there is a point as to why im avoiding going through my 248 slide pdf of psychology and rather writing belch of words….we just need to all figure that point out in the end. Till then …patience friend . FRIEND …that word… what does it mean (of course i know what a friend is) but what does MEAN and why are so many of us either overstepping a boundary or having none . also why would a friendship of 6 years of laughter,care,comfort , anger ,secrets,trust just disappear…just gone …but worse why would so damn freeing….like someone just took of a baby elephant off your back…almost like a deep breathe out but after a dive in a pool. It of course sucks to not have the same shoulder to cry on but its just a very big SIGH…now before think im a hater (definitely am not) ,i dont think its their fault nor mine…i think i set this gates of heaven bar of expectations that i needed to fulfil and what i what i expected them to also follow…SHE knew this…she knew how dependent i became on our friendship…its like a puppy and your owner has this toy held above your head, you have the choice to either walk away and lose the toy or ….stay and obey. And so for that long i was that puppy ….its all i knew how to do….so why years later i stop….stop begging, stop apologising for things i didnt do , stop accepting being that puppy…and NOTHING..just nothing. I dont know i expected a hurricane of my life but it all was a mere scratch. Now im no philosipher but i want to let you know its okay….let go…and yes its going to suck for awhie but its okay… if its out of your control , be it a person,habit,dream …..i promise the relief is just indescribable (didnt even know that word exists…had to google it). so ladies and gentlemen what have we learned today (sing it with me) …its OKAY to be vulnerable …its OKAY to have boundaries…its OKAY to not be OKAY but i know you will be OKAY ,OKAY?

so HOW ARE YOU really?.