I wrote briefly about family foster care, which I admire for its ability to cushion children that are abandoned by family members. I have since thought of its dark side.

There are many people who would have loved to be raised by loving strangers in formal foster families. It is because of the abuse they endured whilst being raised by extended family members. The abuse goes from sexual molestation, beatings and slavish treatment. Your parents are not there to stand up for you so, you might as well be a slave.

I will not get into the entitlement to your money and soul once you grow up and move out. Being raised by extended family members can lead to guilt and shame that cripples you and gets you used financially because you feel you owe them your life. This can delay you starting your own family . We raise children so we can free them to become healthy, productive adults with their own lives.

It is childish to think people who raise you should expect no loyalty from you but we should watch raising children, expecting them to be cash cows and retirement safety nets. We should also be an eye in families – reporting abuse. Hand over children to social workers if you cannot care, love, provide and raise them in safe environments.