Depression, our silent killer with no remorse.
Depression does not have a specific host, you could be black, white or coloured, rich or poor, introverted or extroverted, and you could be on top of the world is you could be at the bottom of it, depression really does not care about all those things it just wants a life to ruin and as sad as it sounds, depression always finds a way in, it always does.
Take me for example, I was the happiest ten year old until I lost the most important person in my life, my grandmother. Like every one else in the world, I was paining. We all hurt when we lose a loved one. It took a while for my depression to show itself and when it did show itself my life turned into a battlefield. I became a host because I was still heavily grieving, which made it easier for it to attack me since I had my guard down.
Depression is different for everyone, meaning that you might not have the same symptoms that I have. For most of us we isolate, negative thoughts fill our mind, sadness, darkness overtakes every single aspect of our lives. We feel unloved and that’s a feeling that takes a while to leave. You might find yourself losing interest in things you loved doing. Interacting with people, going to the shops becomes so hard since depression makes us feel as if every single person we meet, ever person we see laughing or talking is judging us and the more we feel like that the more depression keeps feeding on our fears, our self-esteem and confidence.
We end up looking for an escape and we usually take the harmful ones like excessive drinking, self- harm and drug use. It works for a while until we have to face our demons again and it starts all over again but this time we find ourselves stuck in an abyss, hopeless and when it seems like all is lost, just remember that there is light at the end of the tunnel, all you have to do is reach out to someone, anyone you trust. It could be a friend, a family member, a teacher if you’re a student. I promise you that it will really make a difference. I never planned to have a breakdown at school, never planned to tell my teacher my deepest, darkest secrets but I did because I needed a shoulder to cry on, a friend that would catch me whenever I fell and it proved to be useful. She never judged me, she understood my pain and she helped me start my journey of healing. Talking about it was the first step.
Talking to other people about your problems is hard and scary but Abel Morales said ‘ When it feels scary to jump, that is exactly when you should jump, otherwise you end up staying in the same place your whole life, and you cannot do that’. Take that step, I promise that it’ll be worth it. Things will be better, not today but someday, I just wish someone had told me that because I found myself rushing the healing process and it does not work that way so now I just say better late than never.
There a few strategies that are said to help with depression like exercise, therapy, facing ones fears, practicing self care and self love and lastly seeking support, these are just a few of them. They might work for me and a few other people but it doesn’t mean that they’ll work for everyone else. If it doesn’t work try something else, just don’t stop loving and supporting yourself. You must be your first priority no matter what.
I don’t know if counselling really helped me, but I know that it opened must eyes a little and then my support system opened my eyes completely. I still have low self-esteem but I am working on it as I should and as hard as it is I tell myself that I am stronger than that, we are stronger that all the things trying to keep us down. Wet should not give up, just one step at a time. Depression has taken way to many of us and it should be stopped.
My counsellor said this to me ‘ Your soul will never be at peace once you’ve taken your life, it will roam’, it meant nothing to me when she said it but now it means a lot. Why should we punish ourselves for the mistakes of other people? It is not my fault that I getting bullied, and it is not your fault that something happened to you, it is not your fault you feel how you feel, it is not your fault you’re going through what you’re going through at this moment.
Sending love to everyone out there going through something, to those that can talk about it and to those that are yet to talk about it. You are a beautiful/handsome, lovely person. If they cannot see that, then it’s their problem. You are worth loving, you are enough and you can reach whatever goal you set.
I love you all so much, you are not alone in this.
Together we can.
Your story isn’t over.