Being a child and born out of marriage is very though situation one can not choose if given an opportunity to choose. I am talking about Zulu and Xhosa cultures here.

In both tribes if unmarried women get a child, automatically the child belong to his/her mother’s family name. They do not ask the opinion of the child.

I had a couple of discussions with both tribes about child matters and I learnt that a child can’t just sleep and wake-up and change surname. There are some rituals that need to be performed, starting from child’s mother side to father side.

As a man if you want your child to use your family name you have to pay: six cows for a girl and three cows for a boy. If a man does not pay a child will remains on the maternal side.

Why can’t a child be given a freedom to choose which side he/she want to fall under? Is it not an oppression to be not given a chance speak out your mind ?

Taking a wife is too expensive, eleven cattles plus other staffs called izibizo where buy you have to buy blanket and clothes, on the wedding day you are the one who had been paying for preparations cost.

Collin is a white guy I met in 2016, he told me that in his tribe they do not pay anything, you just fall inlove and inform both your parents and then meeting is arranged and they would be given blessings.

I wish we were like them, I am sure we would be far in life because all those cultural oppressions things are making us to fall behind. If I were a king I would have had reduced the cattles to two cattles only, even the blankets things to two only.

I hope one day things Will change to fair prices.