I am hanging by a thread, at most…

I broke one promise I had no business braking. It’s as though I never learn, do I? Like I inevitably place muself in muddy situations. I feel as though I lie to myself each time. Somebody said bingo? Yup, I never miss.

My thoughts feel like they are not my own anymore. I can’t feel this way. It’s not right, but damn it why does it feel so right and yet so wrong?

There’s an excruciating pain I feel deep within and I do not even know who to share it with. I’ve allowed myself to feel something one more time.Only, this time, it’s a whole lot different. I’ll admit it, I’m scared…of my thoughts, of my feelings, of how my body reacts whenever you are near me. I can’t think, I can’t function. Why you? I ask myself often, why you?

I keep hurting myself and now I’m angry at myself for even daring to be human.

How do I stop it from melting at the thought of our eyes locking and neither one of us daring to look away. At how I want our first kiss to be my last first kiss. I smile like an idiot when I think about how adorable you look when you are shy and uncomfortable, while bowing your head down with hopes of preventing your heart from breaking out of a cell you call a chest.

I want to laugh with you, play with you, cry with you and grow with you. It’s the little things…like the way you walk, slow and steady like a greek god. Your voice commands and demands respect. Your energy heals and restores. Your stares hypnotize and seduce.

I yearn for your presense. I ache for your touch, I cry when I get overwhelmed by the emotions that engulf and caress a dark, tamed beast that swore to never feel anything ever again. You reached in and pulled me out of myself and now that I’m out here in the open, I feel lost in a foreign land with nothing but my bleeding heart as a reminder that I’m still alive.

It all started with one look. What are you trying to see? Why do you look away when I give you that wich you want?

Is it a game, an experiment? What are your intentions? Do you feel what I feel? Am I insane? Is this another crush? Would we even workout?

The thought of you with someone besides me shreds the very same heart you’ve lit with your fiery unwavering passion. Both not each other’s types but can’t deny the chemical reaction that takes place whenever we are in the same vicinity.

I have to let go, this I know. Why does it hurt a lot more than holding on? I’m scared of you. I feel seen and bare. Why are you scared of my gaze? Feels like a horribly written ROMCOM and I do not want to be casted. Would you believe me if I told you that being near you makes me feel safe, warm and all cuddled up, yet I’ve never even touched you in this lifetime.

I’m out here backtracking on the should’ve, could’ve, would’ve.

Oh my oh my…if only you knew, I don’t know what to do with myself.