10 WAYS TO DATE SMART

1. Ace your first date

Don’t act like an Idols judge or job interviewer, firing questions about your date’s financial portfolio and relationship past. Avoid boasting or talking about yourself excessively, and please don’t mention your desire to get married and have kids in the first hour, or your date might go to the bathroom and escape through the small window. Listen more than you talk, and watch for red flags: if your date jokes about being a commitment-phobe, believe it! If he or she is rude to the waiter, drinks too much, asks nothing about you, or wears dark sunglasses indoors to avoid making eye contact, you have been warned. Ladies, always arrange to meet your date in a well-lit public place, and let friends know where you are.

2. Be true to yourself

Knowing that you’re being sized up by a potential partner can be stressful. It’s natural to show off your best side at the start of a relationship, but being honest about yourself is a far better tactic. Putting up a front usually backfires anyway: by playing, say, the city sophisticate when you’re a barefoot country type at heart, you’re not only selling short the attributes that make you interesting and attractive, but also reducing your chances of finding someone who wants to be with the real you.

3. Don’t rush the start

Take your time to find out about a new person before deciding whether to proceed further or not. For the first few dates, give yourself time to connect with him or her on a friendly basis. Go ice-skating or see stand-up comedy – anything that enables you both to have fun and talk freely. Try not to focus on the impression you’re making, but on the fact that you’re opening up and really listening to the other person. Don’t force intimacy – it takes time to develop – and avoid asking prying questions about your date’s past relationships. Wait until the third date to assess how things are going, as you should both know how much you want to invest in the relationship by then.

4. Play it cool

Act with discretion, restraint and a touch of mystique. Being overly available or desperate drives people away faster than you can say ‘boiled rabbit’. Don’t assume you’re an item too soon: even if you’re started planning the wedding in your head, try to hold back and reassure your date that you have a life of your own. Resist the urge to phone him or her daily in the beginning – few people respond well to constant, needy-sounding phone calls, no matter how foxy they think you are. And don’t stalk your date on Facebook. That said, you don’t you have to be offish. Play too hard-to-get, and your date could take it as rejection and stop calling.

5. Decide when you’re ready for sex

Jumping into bed too soon can shut down the connection growing between the two of you. If you’re seriously considering someone, make sure you feel emotionally safe with him or her and are comfortable progressing to the next level. It’ll hugely reduce your ‘Will I see him/her again?’ and ‘Was that only about sex?’ insecurities the morning after.

6. Listen to your yes and no signals

Don’t ignore inner warning bells. If something about your new love interest still makes you slightly uneasy after the first few dates, trust your gut. Watch out for signs of addiction, aggression (for instance, he or she shows inappropriate aggression towards an ex), interrupting you or not listening to you attentively, a victim personality (your date blames others for his or her bad luck), self-centredness (talks constantly about him- or herself) and caginess about his or her career, living arrangements or single status.

If you think the relationship isn’t going to work out owing to an important flaw, make a clear decision not to continue with it. Make the choice not to get attached to him or her. At the same time, don’t put energy into someone who’s not very interested in you. A relationship must be a two-way arrangement, which means your needs should get met.

7. Don’t wallow in rejection

Shrug off the disappointments; they clearly weren’t meant to be. Maybe he or she just wasn’t that into you, or maybe (if you’re honest with yourself) you weren’t that into him or her either…

8. See the single life as a networking opportunity

Extract the positives from every dating experience, no matter how dire. For instance, you might date someone who turns out to be a train-smash emotionally but, on the upside, has business connections that help you find a great new job.

9. Take a break

Don’t let dating take over your life. You may have periods when you go all out, heading off on blind dates and accepting invitations to concerts with Internet dates. And then, before it gets too exhausting or you feel too disheartened, you could choose to give it a break for a couple of months.

10. Don’t give up your life for anyone

When asked if you’re free on Friday, you should genuinely have to check your diary – and if it’s your best friend’s birthday that night, you should say ‘Sorry, I’m busy. How about Saturday?’ Instead of looking to someone else to bring thrills and fulfilment to your life, approach it the other way round: create a life you like, and you’ll meet someone who fits into it.