I have met many men, especially young men, who struggle with a great deal of anger and frustration. They feel as though their problems are insurmountable and they are helpless to change their fates. They don’t know who to blame and sometimes they end up lashing out at those closest to them, creating much unhappiness for themselves and their loved ones.

I believe the problems that these men face, while real, are made worse when they react with frustration and anger. Eventually, this reaction becomes more of a problem than the original obstacle ever was. These men are, in effect, falling into traps of their own making.

To make matters worse they then start associating with other youngsters who are equally angry. These men start feeding off each other’s dissatisfactions, goading each other to act out their anger. Before long, they believe that the best possible way to solve a problem and reclaim some power in their lives is to lie, strike out or steal.

I believe men who follow such a path will never find happiness, because they are not honouring themselves. The pillars of strength for a young man are accountability, responsibility and respect. These can only be achieved if these men learn to accept their feelings of anger and find more constructive ways of dealing with it.

This cannot be achieved in the heat of the moment. It takes practice. If a young man comes to me, distressed at how he has hit his wife or abused drugs to escape his problems, I give him this exercise to do: sit comfortably for a few minutes, focusing on the rhythm of your breathing. Think back over the past few hours or days, looking for an incident where you reacted with anger or frustration. It may be that someone took your parking space in front of you, or someone was late to pick you up for work. Focus on the incident and how it made you feel. Think about possible reasons the incident took place. Perhaps the person who took your parking spot didn’t see you, or was in a terrible rush. Perhaps your work colleague got stuck in traffic. Now let go of that irritation and think about other ways to respond instead.

Remember, men are the protectors of society. At some stage, your family’s security may depend on you. A protector should at all times be level-headed and have self-control, because uncontrolled anger could have serious consequences.

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