She was so deep in thought that she almost missed her stop. As she alighted, stones came smashing into the bus windows. The driver in great fear jumped out and ran for his life. Everyone scattered as the stones rained down upon the bus. Some of the youths were shouting slogans and angry words; ‘Down with the bus fares!’, ‘We did not ask to be here!’, ‘The government moved us to this ghetto!’ They shouted at the empty bus as if it had ears! Missiles were aimed at the bright smiling face of a girl advertising toothpaste on the side of the bus. The stones smashed into the face with dull thuds. She saw flames quickly consume the smiling face leaving the side of the bus a blackened mass. Soon the whole bus was burning fiercely, as she hurried home, shocked at what she had witnessed.

The township looked like a battlefield. Clumsy-looking troop-carriers called Casspirs, army trucks filled with troops armed to the teeth and police with guns were to be seen everywhere. A soldier in full battledress and riot gear came towards her. Her heart began to pound fast and in a panic she half ran home. Children and adults were being chased like cornered animals. She turned a street corner; the teargas and burning tyres’ smoke choked her as she stumbled into her home.

‘Amos, Amos!’ she cried and ran into the small dark bedroom. He stood at the window leaning on his crutches. They fell into each other’s arms.

‘I’m glad you’re home, Mother. This all started this morning. It was going to be a peaceful march to Pollsmoor. Then came the batons and the guns. Standing here, and I’m unable to go out and help the injured, is driving me mad.’

‘Where are the children?’ she asked anxiously.

‘They joined the march this morning. I never saw them after that.’

‘Oh God, please bring them home safe. It is terrible out there and all we can do is just sit here while our children are fighting the whole army and all those guns. I feel so helpless, Amos.’

‘I feel exactly the same, Miriam. I wish I had died in that accident!’

‘Oh Amos, my husband. Why do you talk like that? Soon you will be strong and on your feet again. We must not give in now. Our children need our support. Come, let’s see what there is to eat. What you need is a nice cup of tea.’

‘Don’t worry, my wife. You go and look for the boys. I can get something to eat for myself. Besides, I feel like being alone.’

‘Why do you want to be alone? I’ve just come in from work to be with you, and you want to be alone?’

‘I know your heart is out there with the boys. You go and look for them. I’ll be all right.’

‘Are you sure, Amos?’ she asked tenderly.

She went to the kitchen to drink some water as her throat was irritated by the gas. She noticed that the boys had left in a great hurry – plates of half-eaten mealie meal still stood on the table. The large enamelled basin was filled with dirty dishes and the bucket that Fassie used to scrub the floor stood under the old wooden kitchen table. They had never before left for school before cleaning the house, but that morning was obviously an exception. She went back into the bedroom to tell Amos that she was leaving. As she turned away Amos looked sadly at her, thinking, ‘We live in such dangerous times that you don’t know if you’ll see your loved ones again once they leave the house.’

‘Bloody murderers!’Miriam reached the gate and then turned quickly back into the house. She stood in the doorway and shouted, ‘Are you sure you’re all right? Don’t leave the house until I return. Do you hear me, Amos?’

‘Go Wife, go! But take care. These people are out to kill us today.’

She rushed out into the street. Stones rained from behind walls and bushes. She had to dodge and run to avoid the missiles. There were tyres burning in the streets, barricading the way of the Casspirs. But the iron monsters moved forward relentlessly. The faces of the men on the Casspirs, she noticed, were red with anger. Thick palls of tearsmoke filled the air and the tyres gave off acrid fumes which inflamed the eyes and throat. She heard gunshots in the next street and the piercing cries of the children. It was like a nightmare as she made her way to her sister’s home a few streets away. She found herself running with the crowd at times. Perhaps her sons were at their Aunt Susan’s home, hiding?

As she entered Susan’s home she immediately felt that something was amiss. She found her in the kitchen shaking in panic. Holding her ten-month-old baby over the kitchen sink she was blowing air into the child’s mouth. This beautiful child with her large brown eyes, who was always gurgling with delight, now lay limp in her mother’s arms!

‘What happened?’ Miriam asked very alarmed.

‘They threw a teargas canister through the doorway. Little Dolly had just crawled there to sit in the sun,’ answered Susan, tears running down her cheeks. ‘My baby almost choked to death.’

‘Give her to me,’ said Miriam, and she held the child to her body. Slowly she rocked Dolly while her sister wiped the little face with a wet cold face cloth.

‘I’m looking for Steve and Fassie. They didn’t attend school today but joined the march. I thought they may be here with you, Sister.’

‘I didn’t see them today, Miriam. Where can they be? Perhaps they’re hiding someplace.’

‘But I want to find them before I go back to my work this evening.’

‘Are you off today?’

‘I decided to come home when I heard the news of the beatings on the radio.’

‘Why didn’t they allow this peaceful march?’ Susan asked angrily.

‘Yes, they want to shoot all of us,’ answered Miriam. ‘Here, I think she’s sleeping,’ Miriam handed Dolly back to Susan. ‘You must watch her, anything can happen. I must leave now and search for the boys. Keep your door closed,’ she warned as she left.

Back on the streets she followed the crowd. By now her heavy body felt tired and sweaty. She ran along searching the crowd for her sons’ faces amongst them. They were all singing freedom songs but nowhere did she see Steve or Fassie. The faces of the youth shocked her. She detected signs of hope, determination and defiance in them. On the way she met many mothers and stopped to talk to some of them that she knew.