I carefully, silently, open the gate to Nokulunga’s yard and creep up to her bedroom window, hoping the dog won’t bark.

“Noki,” I whisper through the window. The room is dark. Perhaps she is already asleep.

“Noki,” I say a little louder. “Noki, it’s me, Muzi. Can you come outside? I need to speak to you.”

After what seems an eternity, I hear her stirring and the curtain opens. Her face looks beautiful in the soft moonlight.

“Muzi! What are you doing here so late?”

“Come outside. Give me your hand. I’ll help you down.”

She lowers herself out of the window and, as her feet touch the ground, I draw her into my arms.

“Nokulunga, I have to tell you something. I’m going to Joburg to find work. I’m leaving in the morning with Uncle Joseph.”

“What? I don’t believe it! This is so sudden, Muzi. I feel like it’s happening way too fast. Don’t you?” She pulls away from me and leans against the wall.

“I’m so sorry, Noki. It’s just that I don’t have much of a choice,” I whisper in response. “Malume Joseph doesn’t need me anymore and I need to help Zweli provide for the family.”

“How long will you be gone?” she asks in a shaky voice.

“For as long as it takes. It’s hard to think about what I want right now. My life has taken an unexpected turn and I need to step up and be a man. I hope you can understand,” I say gently. I move a step closer and take her hands in mine.

“Why can’t you get another job here? Why must you leave?” she says, with a hint of desperation in her voice.

“Where? Point me in the direction of another job here in Empangeni and I won’t hesitate to apply for it. There are no jobs here, Nokulunga; not ones that pay enough, anyway.”

“I’m just afraid that I’ll lose you. What if you get to the city, meet a city girl and forget all about me?” Tears pool in her eyes.

I don’t know what to say, so I just take her in my arms. She really starts sobbing now.

“Is it because we haven’t had … sex? Is that why you can just up and leave without giving our relationship a second thought? Is that it? Do you want us to have sex? Now?” she asks, between sobs.

“No, I’m not trying to pressure you into having sex with me. You know I respect your decision to stay a virgin. Of course I want to have sex with you, but this isn’t about all that. I love you, Nokulunga, but this situation has nothing to do with us. It’s about my mother. I need to take care of her,” I say firmly.

I feel her body softening, her sobbing giving way to gentle tears. She draws away, looks me straight in the eye and says, “I’m sorry. I love you, Bekumuzi and I am proud of you for taking responsibility for your family. I’ll wait for you to return.”

And, just like that, all is forgiven and she throws herself into my arms again and we kiss.

* * * * *

It is 6 o’clock in the morning and we are already on the road in Malume Joseph’s packed van. He insisted on leaving early because he plans to drive back to Empangeni today, rather than staying the night in Joburg.

Mama had the lunch box ready by 5.35 this morning. The delicious smell of her famous beef stew and dumplings filled the kitchen, and I couldn’t wait to dig in. Her cooking is definitely what I’ll miss most.

Mama sobbed quietly as we packed the van, and held me for far too long when she hugged me goodbye.

“I’ll be back soon, Ma,” I tell her. I’m going to miss her, but I know this is for the best. God, please let this be the right choice, I say to myself as we drive off.

There was a knot in my stomach as I looked back and waved. It’s still there.

But, what’s really making me uneasy is not leaving Mama. It’s my conversation with Nokulunga last night. I can still hear her voice and see the look on her face. I am happy that she will wait for me, but so much could happen while I’m gone. Will she pass up marriage if that opportunity presents itself? I don’t know how I feel about her putting her life on hold while waiting for me to come back.

What if I don’t come back? What if my feelings for her change? Or her feelings change? I didn’t have the guts to bring any of this up last night when we spoke. I had upset her enough for one night.

Oh well … I guess we’ll cross that bridge once we come to it.

* * * * *

I wake with a jolt. We must have gone over a bump or something. I had dozed off and my confused thoughts about my relationship had turned into a dream. I think I even dreamed of being married to Nokulunga. No! I can’t think of such things. Not now. I shake my head in an attempt to rid my mind of the idea. I’m not ready to take on more responsibility. Not any time soon, anyway.

“Ah, you are awake, Muzi. Finally. I thought you’d sleep the entire trip. Eat something, son. Your mother packed a delicious meal for us. I stopped a while ago and had some,” Malume Joseph says, smiling.

“How far away are we, Uncle?” I ask, while I dig in. Mmmm. The stew is so good, a taste of home. Mama has outdone herself.

“We should arrive at about 2pm. You’ve been asleep for a long time and I didn’t want to wake you,” he says, with a little chuckle.

We’re so close to the city now and I feel excitement welling up inside me. The beginning of the rest of my life is officially an hour away now. I hope Zweli won’t make me wait long at Park Station.

***

Tell us: If you live in a small place, do you dream of moving to a huge city like Joburg? Why or why not?