We spent the holiday in love and trying to hide the incest we were committing. It was the most magical time of my life. I had never felt so loved and understood; I was his princess. My mom and older sister spent the holiday working, but they tried to spend time with us on their days off. Thando and I spent our days babysitting my little sister together, which we enjoyed, and at night we sneaked off to makeout and be in each other’s arms. This holiday made me feel like a teenager again.

Unfortunately, the time had arrived for me to break his heart and burst our forever-growing love bubble. Everyone in the house had gone grocery shopping, and we decided we wanted to stay behind. We were sitting on the couch, eyes glued to the tv.

I broke the silence and said “ I am going back to work next week.”

He immediately turned his attention towards me, I could see in his eyes he knew what I was about to say. They were filled with fear.

“ I guess, this is it,” I continued.

“ Tshidi !!” he begged, as if he was begging me not to continue.

“ But Thando, we knew it would lead to this,” I responded softly and with pain in my voice.

“ Please don’t, we can try a long-distance relationship,” he pleaded.

“ We both know those don’t end well; it’s easier this way,” I responded

“No, no, no,” he exclaimed frantically.

Confused, I asked, “What do you mean by ‘no’?”

“You can’t just end this relationship like this,” he responded, his voice tinged with frustration. “Do you know how long it took for me to get your attention? To make you truly see me? And now, you want to end it just like that? Do you have any idea of what I’ve done for you?”

He stood up, his anger visible on his face as he continued to raise his voice.

“Before you even think of responding,” he leaned in closer, his tone threatening “understand this: This is not over. I don’t care what it will take, but this will never be over unless I decide it is.”

I was shocked and a bit terrified. Stuttering, I managed to ask, “What… What do you mean?”

“ Sweetheart, I am moving to Cape Town with you and we will be the happiest couple ever,” he shouted at me.

“ Uhm no, what about your job and family ?” I asked

“ You are my family now so suck it up,” he said and then walked away.

Before I could respond my sisters and mother walked in.

“ You look like you have seen the ghost of Bloody Mary,” my mother pointed out.

“ In clear terms, you look horrible,” my older sister added.

“ I seem to have that effect on her,” Thando shouted from across the room, clearly referencing the first day of our reconnection.

Everyone laughed while I was standing there sinking into a hole of panic.

“ What have I gotten myself into?” I whispered to myself

I continued to stand there and try to figure out ways on how to get myself out of this.

In the following days, Thando behaved as though nothing had happened, focusing on the arrangements for our life together in Cape Town. Surprisingly, I didn’t detest the idea. Still, the way he had initially presented it had filled me with dread. Although I still loved him, I couldn’t shake the fear that came from his attempts to control me.

He devised a plan for me to leave first, with him following later, to avoid raising suspicions. On the morning of my departure, I woke up feeling a surge of anger at the thought of being coerced into a relationship with him. My frustration reached a breaking point, and I stormed into his room, ready to confront him.

“Let’s be perfectly clear,” I began, my voice raised in anger. “I will not be forced into a relationship. I don’t fear you, Thando, and I don’t owe you anything. All those things you supposedly did for me were of your own accord. If you want to be with me, you better get your act together, because I refuse to date a man who thinks he can dictate my life.”

Thando stuttered, attempting to explain himself, but I wasn’t finished. “You don’t know what I’m capable of. I can end this if I want to,” I threatened.

“Tshidi, I’m sorry. I never wanted you to feel controlled. I was scared of losing you, and I panicked. I reacted poorly but you know that’s not how I am. I love you, I am sorry,” he pleaded, his fear evident, and for a moment, I saw the same vulnerable man I had seen the night he first confessed his feelings to me.

Without much emotion, I replied, “I guess I’ll see you in Cape Town,” and then left the room.

I returned to Cape Town, and a week later, he followed. It has now been a year since we started living together, and we are happy. Our next challenge is how to reveal our relationship to our families.