That night Siwe came to visit me at home. She was worried about me after I hadn’t anwered her text message. There, in front of her and my mom, I broke down and told my mom everything I had been hiding from her. I couldn’t keep it in anymore, especially now that Thabz was threatening me. I was in out of my depth. What if something happened to me?

I started with the small – well smaller stuff that was happening at school.

“I’ve never felt so helpless, so trapped Ma. I’m sorry for everything. I should be leading by example. I should be exemplary like you Mama, but I got myself into a group of girls at school who teased other students. I want to tell you everything ma, I want to come clean.”

“You are a teenager and like every teenager, you’ll experiment and make stupid mistakes. I’ve lived my own life; I made mistakes. I’m where I am today because I rose above the mistakes that I made during my teenage years. And I still make mistakes today but I try to rise above them.”

“I… I’ve gone to a couple of parties behind your back. I’ve gotten drunk and got wasted.”

“I’m disappointed that you went behind my back and felt you couldn’t talk to me about this. Is there anything else I need to know?”

I thought of the pink note burning a hole in my pocket. I thought of Mongezi. Siwe sat there in silence.

“Then I told her about Thabz’ crew and how they robbed houses. And how I had falllen in love with one of them. I told her how Thabz wanted me to help them rob another rich man’s house or else they would harm my new best friend.” It all came pouring out. But I couldn’t tell her about my love for Mongezi; I couldn’t say his name.

My mom reached out and took my hand. “Don’t worry, baby. It’s not too late. You have come to the right person. I guess having a mom who is a policewoman helps sometimes.”

Then Siwe’s phone beeped. She excused herself and moved through to the kitchen to check her messages and to send an SMS.

It was only later that I discovered what she had SMSed:

I can’t do this anymore. This is not fair on her.

She deserves better.

Her life is even in danger, mine too.

Thabz is threatening her.

Siwe

The reply:

Is she okay?

Because that’s all that’s important to me.

Nothing else matters.

And please keep it together, I need more time.

The next morning Ma told me to stay at home and take it easy. I had knocked my head when I fainted and I was still stressed and weak. She told me to stay in bed and rest. She would try and get off work early to be with me.

But I couldn’t just lie there with my thoughts. I took out the pink note and read it again and again. I studied the letters – how they were formed. I opened my English book and turned to the back page where he had written me a poem that I could read in class when I was bored and think of him. The writing was the same. It was driving me crazy. Could one of the girls have got hold of my book during break? And then, I am ashamed to say, I began to wonder if it wasn’t Siwe. Was she pretending to be my friend? But why? It made no sense.

I was restless. There was only one place I wanted to be – a place where Mongezi and I used to hang out on hot afternoons, drinking ice cold Coke and chatting about everything under the sun. It was our secret place. We could avoid the nosy neighbours there. It’s where we always met.

It was an old, delapidated building on an overgrown plot near the church. The grass had grown even taller since we last met there. I sat down on the concrete slab we used to while away our time on. When I shut my eyes I could almost hear his voice as I remembered those afternoons:

“Your life is the most important thing. Nothing else matters,” he had said to me as we sat there holding hands.

“You talk like my life is in danger. Why? How is my life in danger?” But he just shook his head.

“One day you will know everything,” he stroked my hair. Then he told me a joke and I forgot everything except the colour of his eyes and his smile.

Now, as I sat there I traced my finger over our names that we had written on the wall with a permanent marker from school. I remembered how he had told me to return the marker pen.

We had joked about it. “How can you say that?” I had laughed, “when just last week you stole a TV. You should take that back too.”

“You know what this means?” he had asked me, changing the subject and pointing to our names. “Our love is permanent, no one can take it away from us. Nothing can get in our way. We belong together.”

And now I had lost him. I began to cry. But I couldn’t break down now. I needed to get back to our house, my mom would be coming home soon.

Before I left I took one last look at our names. That’s when I saw it. Next to our names someone had drawn a heart-shape and a rose.

You miss him, that’s why you’re seeing things, I told myself. He’s gone. He’s gone, I whispered to myself.

I started to walk away from the wall when I saw a shadow cast from someone standing behind the big tree behind the wall. I froze. Had Thabz followed me here?

***

Tell us: Who do you think is waiting behind the tree?