My last exam went well. Though I wasn’t completely sure, I was fairly confident that my marks would be good enough to get into a BSc the next year. I got a job at Milky Lane at the mall while I waited for my results. It was OK – what could be so bad about scooping ice cream all day?

On my second day I was out in the mall dining area clearing tables when I was surprised to hear someone say, “Keamogetse is that you?”

I looked up and there was Baboloki. Immediately all the work I’d done to convince myself that I wasn’t in love with him melted into the air. My heart pounded, my hands began to sweat, I held the table to steady my wobbly knees.

“Hey, how are you?” I said, while trying to breathe and hoping my heart rate would go down to a non-life-endangering level. Passing out would not look good, it would not look good at all.

“It’s so good to see you,” he said, as if it really was.

I saw myself through his eyes – polyester uniform, black hair net, ice-cream stain down my front. “Yes … yes.” We stood awkwardly a moment. “I have a break just now. Do you want to sit and have an ice cream?”

“That would be great.” He smiled and I was sure I heard the angels this time. I looked around the mall but saw nothing.

I rushed to the toilet to get rid of the hair net and try to make myself look marginally more presentable, then collected our ice creams and got back to where he was sitting. I handed him his cone and sat down opposite him, scared to death of what might happen now.

“I heard about you and Naledi. Sorry,” I said.

“Yeah, honestly, we weren’t so good together. She’s beautiful and all that, but we’re two different people.” I nodded my head in commiseration. “You know … after that night, when we walked home, I passed by your house so many times. I wanted to stop. I wanted to stop but I was scared.”

“Scared? Why?”

“I had such a nice time that night. I felt like we had some kind of a connection. I wanted to ask you out, but I knew you and Naledi were close and all. I kept thinking I needed to break up with her so I could come and ask you out, but every time I tried I chickened out.”

I didn’t know what to say. I wanted to jump up and down in joy. I wanted to run around the table and give him a hug. I wanted to tell him how I felt the same way. How I knew the second I met him he was the guy for me. How I’d been thinking about him ever since that night. I wanted to do all of that, but instead I just stayed right where I was and said nothing. I never told him what was really in my heart.

“I feel like I know you,” he said. “Even though it was only that one night, I know you’re a loyal friend. And I didn’t want you to think I’m one of those guys who cheat on their girlfriends. I’m not. So I couldn’t do it.”

“I never thought you were one of those guys. I never would.”

“Thanks. I just messed it all up, I guess. I waited too long to break up with her. I waited too long to say what I wanted to say to you. And now I find you here again and … I just messed up my chances.”

“Why? I’m here. You’re free. You could … you can ask me out … now.” I couldn’t believe I just said that.

But then he pointed to the bag on the floor. It was a big backpack; I hadn’t noticed it before then.

“I’m leaving,” he said.

“Leaving?”

“I got an internship with a bug lab that is doing a project in Kruger National Park. I stopped here to buy some toothpaste that I forgot to pack. I’m leaving in two hours. I’ll be gone until the results come out, then I’ll be off to university. ”

My heart crashed in my chest. I felt sick, but I smiled. I just kept on smiling even though what I really wanted to do was cry.

“That’s great. I’m really happy for you. It sounds like just the kind of thing you’ve always wanted.”

Those were the words I said, but not the words I wanted to say. That was the problem: me always saying the words I thought I should say, instead of the words that I needed to say.

***

Tell us what you think: Should Keamogetse have told Baboloki what she really felt?