There are moments in our life that seem to define us. Moments we keep on going back to.
My life before him was just so simple and––
“Just as you said, Haley,” Dr Hall said, “losing people is not a loss if they gave you such strong feelings of hatred and sadness. Relationships (romantic and friendships) are like a pack of biscuits on a train ride. At every station where you stop, someone gets on and you offer them a biscuit. How long your ride is, depends on how many biscuits you have. As generous as you are, you always share, sometimes overshare and in that moment, when you desperately need a biscuit, it is either not enough or there is none left at all.”
I gave her a small nod.
“This is the same with relationships. You meet people on your journeys and give a part of yourself to the new (old) friends and overshare with them, but when you go back to the one that fills you, there may be nothing left.
Everything has its time to end, even all that pain you’re feeling right now. Let go and be free! Holding on to so much sorrow is only killing you dear, not Sam, not your friend or your neighbour, it is only you feeling those emotions and it is only you they are destroying. Ever think about that? You are letting your happiness hide in a corner while all this sadness is jumping for joy, Let go child. Let it go!”
Dr Hall spoke with so much passion and positivity that I smiled. Peace settled over me with the words of truth that were just spoken.
“I have this activity for you,” Dr Hall said. “Go home today and come back in three weeks but not if you have not followed the instructions of the activity.”
I nodded.
“When you wake up in the morning, say a simple thank you prayer. Get up and put your favourite song on and dance to it, sing with it, most of all have fun with it. While fixing yourself in the mirror, tell yourself that you are deeply in love with yourself. Do self-love and talk to people, smile more and think less.”
“I saw him today.”
“How did that make you feel?”
“He was with someone else and they looked happy. She was pregnant.”
“Haley, darling––”
I shook my head, not wanting pity. “It made me jealous. How she was allowed to keep his children; how he was supportive of it. It made me wonder why I never got that chance to be happy.”
“Like you said, Haley, it was for the best and you didn’t want your child to grow up in those circumstances… And I agree with that, no child deserves that.”
“I will try that activity you gave me doctor; but I make no promises.” I got up from my seat.
“Trying is more than enough dear,” Dr Hall said, “Thank you.”