“This can’t go on like this Haley,” my mother said, as I descended the stairs. “I called my friend and she’s a psychologist. I think we need help.”

I went to the kitchen and started fixing a bowl of cereal.

“I made something proper for you.” She pointed to the table, “Eat up and go sleep it off.”

I took a seat and lifted my fork.

“Also, I took your pills so I will be managing it from now on,” she said.

My fork hovered over the food, as I suppressed the urge to storm off and go to Sam’s.

But I didn’t. I didn’t want those eyes, the stares, and more gossip. So, I just obeyed and ate like a little child before returning to bed.

***

‘I reached out to grab a pen and paper to write you a love letter. But then I remembered; what’s the use of me communicating if you only understand it from your perspective. I loved you once, I don’t know if I still do. But once I did. I was madly in love with you. Now I can only recall the “madly” part. I am mad and that’s why I can’t figure out if this is still love or just vengeance I feel.’

I woke up later that evening and went downstairs to have something to eat. I turned on the TV to watch a movie. I was not like I had anywhere to go. Nobody was inviting me anywhere, anyway.

My mind drifted away from the movie. I thought of my life, growing up here, and where it all led me. Past mistakes are the future’s disgrace. My mother has always been good to me, but I haven’t returned the favour. Instead, I left here all in the name of love.

I started to cry. The tears fell from my eyes, rolling over my cheeks. They burned me with their flavour of hate, anger, disappointments, hurt, betrayal, sadness. The flavour didn’t consist of happiness, although I once thought it did, that that is what it was. Never.

I would not take the blame for this alone. I was generous enough to share this guilt; share it with Sam.