SUNDAY

The morning came so soon. I wanted nothing but to sleep in today and not do anything, but I can’t. Sunday is the day I hate, and I hate having to put a smile on the community as if everything is okay. There was a time when I liked going to church, and that was the time when my grandmother was still alive. I would wake up early and put on my Sunday best clothes, as my grandmother would love to say.

Back when my grandmother was still alive, Sundays had always been vibrant, and it always felt like a Christmas, even though it wasn’t.

I looked at myself in the mirror. Facing me was a hollow version of me. There was no smile that was usually plastered on my face, no giggles from Zizipho, and hummings from my grandmother. I licked my dry lips as I fixed my crooked hat and took a deep breath as I prepared myself to get out before my uncle could shout, but it seemed like I spoke too soon. “Lesedi!” My uncle’s loud voice sounded throughout the house, making me shriek.

The smile he plastered on his face was so perfect it didn’t even fault, not even for a second, as he greeted people.

Just like always, we sat in the front as my uncle went to the front, the church was not yet full, but it was slowly starting to get full. Of course, people would not want to miss the Sunday service of their beloved pastor, Pastor Hlongwane.

I watched him as he stood at the front with a huge smile plastered on his face as he asked one of the ladies to sing. Soon, the song of ukholo lwami filled the entire church as everyone joined in, and so did I and Zizipho.

After two more songs, he started to preach about how God does not want anyone to do evil and that we shall love one another and treat each other with kindness and love because that is what God would have wanted.

I wanted to roll my eyes, but I fought the urge to. We stayed in the church for two whole hours as he continued to preach and preach and request songs to praise the almighty God. I wanted nothing but to stand up and call him out, but I couldn’t bring myself to.

After church, all the women wanted to ask him about the ‘bible’, but it was clear that they wanted more from him. At times, I wanted him to at least take one of the women so that he would stop doing those horrible things to me, but it was as if the more I wanted him to, the more he hurt me.