The overwhelming joy of seeing Owethu’s smile swiftly turned to fear as we waited for the taxi to Port Edward to fill up.

Being tracked by the police and getting arrested for my role in the cigarette wholesaler robbery weighed heavy on my mind. Sure, the Toyota Quantum had tinted glass but that did nothing to quell my fears. I was sitting by the window, behind the driver’s seat. Owethu was on my lap, Linda next to me.

Paranoia swirled in my head. My thoughts went into overdrive. The taxi couldn’t fill up fast enough. Every sound from outside felt amplified. I constantly looked around. It was a chilly day but I felt warm. My cap was soaked with sweat. The approaching siren of a police van stopped my heart beating for a second. I peeked from beneath the soaked brim of my cap. The van whizzed past the taxi rank. More sirens followed. I sank lower into the seat.

“Are they coming here? Are there more police?” I whispered to Linda.

“No, Spha. It’s just ambulances following the police van. There might be an accident nearby.”

“I better pay for all the empty seats in this taxi so we can get out of here right now,” I said.

I felt Linda’s hand on my thigh. There was calmness in her eyes.

“Cool down, Spha,” she whispered. “You are acting suspicious. Do you even realize you are trembling?”

Linda rolled a tissue in her hand.

“You are sweating buckets,” she said and handed me the tissue. “Owethu was starting to fall asleep until you woke her up with your trembling.”

Linda took Owethu from my lap. Sweat dripped down my face. The tissue was soaked instantly and morphed into a damp, white ball in my hand.

“But I can pay for all these empty seats,” I said.

Linda shook her head, her eyes set sternly on mine. “You will raise suspicion, Spha. Just relax.”

The reassurance in her voice and the calmness in her eyes stopped my trembling. Half an hour later the taxi was full, and on the way to Port Edward. The relief of getting away from Kokstad and having Owethu and Linda with me, plus the surreal events of the past few days that had my emotions on tenterhooks non-stop, combined to put me into a deep sleep.

Linda nudged me when we arrived in Port Edward and I woke from dreamless sleep. The joy of seeing her and Owethu only lasted a few seconds before my mind swiftly recalled what had happened during the cigarette wholesaler robbery: fear, guns, blood, fire and death. Anxiety attacked me full blast. It felt like an invisible noose was tightening around my neck.

We made our way to the Rest Easy Inn where I had booked a room. I closed the door and finally exhaled.

Tell us: Do you think Spha is weak, or is this a normal rection to what he has been through? Is a guilty conscience his problem?