Never think you have everything under total control. The situation can change in a minute.
“I’ll be coming to Cape Town soon. I have saved some money for us to buy the clothes for the child. ” It is another call from Sihle. Several months have passed.
“Mtshana, niece, I’ve been busy lately. I want us to go out on a dinner,” my uncle tells me when he comes home from work.
“I would love that malume, uncle. Plus I’ve got good news.” I haven’t been out in the evening since I came back from hospital.
Aunt says, “The idea is superb. Tell us the good news.”
“Come on mtshana tell us,” says uncle.
“It’s nothing fancy. My boyfriend, Sihle, has finally graduated and he got a post at Spoornet so early next month he’ll be here. He will be staying in Nyanga with his sister. The most important thing about it all is that he just told me that he has been saving for the child’s clothes! He’s been so supportive.”
“Wow! That’s great news,” Auntie says, and hugs me.
“You are talking about Sihle Siwela?” Uncle wants to make sure.
“Ewe malume, Yes uncle. He’s the nephew of tata Ludwe.”
Nosie and Zia help me get through the days until Sihle arrives. They’ve also been so supportive. Sandy is nowhere to be found.
One evening I am sitting on the couch chatting on 2go on my Nokia X2 when auntie comes to sit beside me.
“You know, mntwanam, my child, you can have a paternity test to find out who the father of your child is.”
I’m uncertain about the paternity test. Part of me doesn’t want to know. But if I don’t do it there will always be a shadow of a doubt as to whether the child is Sabelo’s. I need to know 100 percent that it isn’t his. And does the child not have a right to know who her father is? It will be difficult for her at imbeleko, when she is introduced to her ancestors, or at intonjane, the initiation of girls.
“Auntie I am not sure yet if I am really strong enough to face or know the person who raped me. It is possible that…that…even Sabelo could be the one. This is hard, so hard. I need some time to think it through. After the birth I will decide.”
I go back to chatting with Cikizwa, my friend from the village.
“Maciki how are you?”
I’m fine Noni. Yourself?”
“It is getting better by the day.”
“That’s good then. How’s school?”
“It is good, and I’m doing well. Wena?”
“Yes I’m doing well. I’m at Unitra.”
“Where are the other girlfriends?”
“They went to Nosiviwe’s place. Her parents are out of town.”
The moment she brings up Nosiviwe’s name I freeze. I am terrified.
“Are you still there? Are you there Noni?”
“Yes I am chommie. Wenza iBusiness Management eUnitra?”
But she ignores this question. “Do you remember anything…of that night?” she asks. Then we are cut off. Airtime has run out.
But she does not give up. Later that night Cikizwa phones again.
“Noni…it’s important that we try and remember. I remember we were in the dark. They switched the music off. I remember that. I remember one of the boys shouting, ‘Shut up…shut up!’ then hands pulling me down onto the floor and then the heaviness as I was held down. But I can’t remember a face. Why? Noni? Do you remember anything?”
I am silent. Shaking.
“Noni, are you there? Do you remember that?”
“Yes…” I reply softly.
* * *
Tell us what you think: Is it important for Noni to take the paternity test even if the father will not be in the child’s life?