My head starts boiling, I cannot help but think what has happened to Mom. I pray that whatever has happened she’s fine and that she’ll be back. I stay awake for almost four hours and Dad hasn’t come back. I’m even afraid to call him. While sitting on the sofa, I unexpectedly fall asleep. I can hear the door opening but I’m abruptly awoken as my dad screams my mother’s name entering the house.

“Dad, what happened!? Where’s Mom!?”

His white T-shirt has blood stains on it, and he is crying. I’ve never seen my dad cry before.

“She’s no more, they took her life. They murdered her. They stabbed her, and all her belongings are gone, those nyaopes!”

I fall on the floor, I feel it absorbing me and the sky crushing down through the roof to the back of our heads, and this is painful.

“It has to be a dream,” I say to myself, then a scream breaks itself out of my mouth.

“Mom!”

“Zinhle!” Dad couldn’t hold himself together either.

“Mom!”

“Zinhle, come back to us!”

“Mom! Come back.”

We both cry, broken and tormented. I’ll never forget this day my whole life.

***

Days after my mother’s death, the police did their investigation to try and find out who killed her, but they failed. Who could’ve thought that Tholalive streets were unsafe in such early hours? When most businesses were still open, how was she alone? I don’t know. However, we buried her in two weeks, and as a family we tried our best to accept her fate.

***

ONE MONTH LATER

It’s almost after school, we’re seated in class and everyone is wild-talking about their lives and our country’s latest shocking news. Some are discussing their plans for the weekend. I’m quiet while everyone is cracking jokes and laughing. I look at them as they show their teeth and jaws in laughter. The world has really become slow for me, or maybe it has gone faster?

“Your marks have drastically dropped,” says Linda from behind me, looking at my previous maths test.

I didn’t realise that I’d been holding the test paper with my eyes locked on it for a long time.

“I didn’t see you there.” I turn around to look at him.

“It’s clear that you’re still having a hard time with mathematics. I wonder why you’ve stopped attending our after school classes.”

“Well, I’ve not been feeling well and I meant to tell you but every day I had to rush home.”

“I doubt that you could be sick for a whole month, and I’m aware that you’ve been trying hard to avoid me. So I decided to come to you instead. Tell me, what’s going on with you?”

“Well, it’s not something you should be worried about.”

“But you know that you can trust me, the only way to get helped, Tox, is if you talk. If you don’t, you won’t be helped.”

“I know, but it’s really a personal matter. In any case I wouldn’t like to have my problems known by the whole school.”

“Well, if you insist, but then when are you coming back?”

“I believe that as soon as I sort myself out, I’ll show up.”

“And you should make it sooner, you don’t have to fail while you’ve got us by your side.”

“Yeah, I will.”

“And if you also want to talk I’m always available.”

“Yes, thank you.”

“OK, I’ll be off. Don’t take too much time. I need you to keep up with the other guys, I don’t like seeing you fail like this.”

“Thank you for caring.”

“Alright,” he says, and leaves.

The bell rang moments ago. I take my bag and disappear way before anyone can insist on walking home together. These days I prefer to be alone a lot, and I’m grateful that Daniel and James respect that. It gives me peace away from the mess of the world and its unjust systems, at least it feels like it. A shadow is what I’ve become.

Tell us: Have you ever lost a close family member? How did you cope with it?