I switch on my PC and pull up my bullet-points plan. Then I hit the “replace” button and change all the ‘Samsons’ to ‘Jos’s’.

  • Just before Jos comes, at 8.10, go to the DB in kitchen and switch off power. So Attie will think there is a power cut.
  • So when Jos walks in, it is already dark. So Attie won’t see that Jos is black. He’ll think he is white as well.
  • Let Jos and Attie sit on the sofa together. Bring them drinks. So in the dark Attie and Jos will chat away. I know Attie will like Jos. Everyone likes Jos.

    • Well, I don’t know if ‘everyone’ likes Jos. Not like everyone likes Samson. Jos doesn’t have loads of friends, not like Samson. Jos isn’t really a fun guy, he’s more serious and quiet. But I’m sure, in the dark, Attie will find Jos polite and nice. So my plan will still work. I hope.

    I have to change the word ‘beers’ to ‘drinks’ too, because Jos doesn’t like beer. He only drinks white wine.

    I spend the rest of the week reminding Attie: “Seven-thirty sharp, remember!”

    I don’t have to remind Jos. Jos is not the kind of man who lets people down.

    And at last it is the evening of Friday the thirteenth.

    Attie doesn’t arrive at my flat at 7.30. Of course not. But at 7.50, he barges through my front door. And that’s good enough.

    “It isn’t your birthday, is it?” he asks. “I didn’t bring a present.”

    “No. Don’t worry. So, do you want a frostie?”

    We sit drinking a beer and watching the TV – some rugby round-up of last week’s game. Attie is crazy about rugby. But I am not listening. I’m too busy checking my watch.

    “You need another beer?” I ask. I take the empties through to the kitchen. And it’s exactly 8.10, so I switch off the power. Boom. There is pitch darkness in my flat. And from the sofa, Attie is swearing and cursing. His usual stuff about piss-ups and breweries, about the useless government.

    I panic. What if Attie starts his racist stuff when Jos is here? I don’t think Jos will accept that in silence, polite though he is. Maybe this isn’t such a good idea after all? This could all go horribly wrong!

    But it’s too late. There is a knock at the front door. I struggle past the coffee table and past the sofa where Attie is still swearing. I open the front door.

    “Hi Dennis,” says Jos. “Do you mind if I come in quickly? I hate being alone in the dark.”

    And at the sound of Jos’s polite, gentlemanly voice, Attie stops swearing. Wow! See? Already Jos has made a difference. So I guide Jos through the darkness towards the sofa.

    I say, “Jos, this is Attie. Attie, this is my friend, Jos.”

    In the dark, they both laugh as they try to shake hands.

    “There’s space here on the sofa, Jos,” says Attie. He suddenly sounds polite too.

    And I leave the pair of them to it. I head back to the kitchen to get Attie’s beer. And a glass of wine for Jos – banging my shin a horrible shot on the damned coffee table. No more for me though. I need to be thinking clearly.

    It sounds like Attie and Jos have started chatting to each other. Already!

    ***

    Tell us what you think: How will things develop between Attie and Jos?