It’s been four months and I’m still trying to get the balance over everything. I hate to say it but this is the most challenging year of my life. What do I mean by that? Well, so far, the year has been nothing but one big test – more like a test I didn’t study for!

If I’m not late for class or submitting an assignment late then I’m sitting in the editor’s office trying to explain why I overslept and came late for work!

I don’t know why but 2015 seems to be moving too fast. I was looking at my New Year’s resolutions blog entry and wondering what went wrong. When the year begun I had it all figured out, this was to be the best year of my life. I was going to read more, stay in shape by eating healthy food, learn French (and one African language), and make new friends. This was going to be the year of my life!

But now… four months down the line, I’ve not reached any of my resolutions. It’s not too late to start, I know. But I hardly ever have enough time to cook or spoil myself by doing fun things. I’ve started reading Half of a Yellow Sun, but I don’t know if I’ll get the time to finish it. I’m writing three tests next week.

Nothing is going the way I want it to go. However, people don’t see that. From the outside, everything looks OK. I look as if I’ve got everything under control. But that’s not true. The truth is that I can’t keep up with the pace of this year; the truth is that inside I’m a brewing storm. I’m slowly losing grasp of my world.

Everyone’s telling me to stay focused – well, that’s everyone except my boyfriend! I don’t know what’s wrong with Sebastian nowadays. He’s always looking for something to fight about. If he’s not yelling at me for taking time to respond to his texts because I was in class then he’s snapping at me for something else.

Is asking him to be supportive and less-doubting too much to ask for?

I mean he’s my boyfriend. I expect him to understand that I’m not coping, that I’m flunking like I’ve never done before, that I’m submitting assignments late, that I just don’t know what’s what in my life anymore, that I’m hating this year.

But, no, he’d rather question my love for him; he’d rather use every single chance we get to fight with me over little things, when all I really want is for him to hold me tight and whisper to my ear that everything will be OK. That’s what I need from him.

I need to know that after everything has fallen apart the only thing that’ll still be standing is our love. That’s all. Is that too much to ask from him?

We are meeting on Sunday. I hope we don’t fight.

ZZ xxx

Dish it: have you been consistent with your New Year resolutions?

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