I’ve never laughed so much so early in the morning. My mother though…

So she has been on my case about my brooding over Tee. I tell her I’m just hibernating and she thinks I’m sulking. Well, I am sulking, a little. I’m allowed to, aren’t I?

Anywho, the funny bit.

So mum is leaving for work this morning, right, and she wakes me up to give me a list of instructions. No, no, no, my mom doesn’t write down stuff and stick it on the fridge like regular people. That lacks originality. My mother gets you up and out of bed so that you follow her around as she tells you what to do.

She doesn’t really care that you’re half asleep and you aren’t taking note of half of what she is saying. But it is her method and she won’t abandon it.

We’re standing in the kitchen – she standing at the counter making coffee and me crumpled up on the stool with a blanky around my skinny body – and she is giving me the ‘things I want done’ list of the day.

Suddenly she stops dead in the middle of her rambling. With cup of coffee in hand, halfway to her lips, she stood there and stared at me. My eyes were half closed of course (not a morning person) as I half listened to her. So when seconds ticked by and her voice wasn’t there lulling me to sleep, I opened one eye.

“What?” I grumbled.

“If you were to keep up this ‘hiding behind doors thing’ for a few more weeks, you’d actually pass as a yellow bone.”

I have never laughed so hard, I swear. It was so unexpected.

“You might as well go out there and make new friends! Stop feeling sad for yourself. You are miserable,”

She’s right. But it’s not that simple!

It’s not that easy to make friends, and you don’t just go out and find a friend like Tee. But do you think mom understands? No! That’s the problem with parents sometimes, they think they’ve got it all figured out.

“You shouldn’t date until you are this age… You’re not supposed to dwell for this long on a loss… blah…blah… blah…” somebody really needs to tell parents that feelings, emotions, are not universal – we feel differently! And we mourn differently.

That’s what I’ve been doing; mourning for Tee.

But my mom is stubborn; you wouldn’t convince her otherwise no matter how strong your points are. I can’t decide who’s more stubborn between her and Gerrie Nel; when they are on your case they are on-your-case.

I didn’t know how to tell her to buzz off politely. I didn’t have the energy to. So I waited for her to go and I went back to bed.

I mean, I understand that lately things have been kinda cool between us but I think she should know that sometimes I just need to be let alone.

I was starting to regret being home for the holidays, you know, since Sim isn’t back. I was starting to scold myself for feeling sorry for her and not wanting her to be all alone. But then I just couldn’t.

I couldn’t even fall back to sleep.

So I’m up, about to start on my mom’s list. If Tee was here we would start with ‘dress up’ – wearing all the clothes my mother leaves on her bed when she’s getting ready in the morning. The make-up on the dresser and the shoes on the floor. We would wear them and take hot pics.

But that’s a thing of the past coz Tee ain’t here.

So I’ll just tidy up instead, while playing My life Would Suck Without You by Kelly Clarkson on repeat – for both ‘The one whose name I won’t mention’ and for Tee. And when I’m done, I’m off to hire some DVDs to cuddle up with. That’ll be the only bit of air I get seeing that I want to be a ‘yellow bone’ And, just so she won’t be on my case when she gets home, I am ordering us pizza for dinner.

Oh, I mustn’t forget the wine. We’re almost out. And we won’t last the winter without it.

ZZ xxx

Dish it: Do you also agree that I should just replace Tee and move on with my life? How do I do that?

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