I looked at my biological mother and wondered if she thought about me sometimes. I wondered why she had never bothered to search for me. I wondered if my real father even knew he had fathered me. I wondered if he would even care—if it would make a difference to him. I wondered if her husband knew about me. If he didn’t, what would that do to their marriage once he found out? Suddenly I wasn’t so sure I wanted to know the answers to all my questions. What if it turned out that she still didn’t want me? I was already feeling so low that I didn’t think I could handle any more rejection.

“How may I help you?”

I shook my head. There’d been no instant recognition on her part. No twitch or tingle in her womb to tell her I was her daughter. Tears welled in my eyes. I backed out of the gate.

“Young lady, come back. What . . .”

I heard a crash and then the little girl came running out of the house. “Mummy, Junior has broke the TV.”

I could tell my biological mother was torn between coming after me and going to see what her son had done. She stepped out of the gate and just stared at me. The woman from the kiosk was staring at us. My biological mother reached for my hand, she pulled me in and shut the gate. Once we were inside the compound she let go of my hand. She led me inside the house. The flat screen TV had indeed been broken. Kids toys were strewn all over the place. Junior was nowhere in sight. She offered me a seat. I sat down on the sofa. She sat on one of the single chairs far from me.

“Maame, go and play in your room,” she ordered.

“But it was Junior who broke . . .”

“Maame,” her mother warned. The little girl did as she was told.

“You’re the Puplampu’s daughter aren’t you?”

And just like that I began crying again. She made no move to comfort me.

“They promised they wouldn’t tell you. I told them I didn’t want to have any contact.”

“But don’t you wonder? Don’t you sometimes think . . .”

“Look I made a mistake and I’ve worked hard to correct it. I’ve done my penance. I wasn’t ready to have a child. I was just a child myself!”

The words seared themselves into my heart.

A mistake. She could sleep at night because she’d done her penance.

She shook her head when she realised what she had said but she didn’t apologise.

“What makes them better than me?” I asked nodding towards Junior and Maame who had appeared near a door leading away from the living room.

She got up and shut the door.

“Look, I was only 15. I didn’t even love your father and he didn’t want anything to do with me when he found out I was pregnant. What was I to do? The Puplampu’s looked like nice people, they could have given you all the things I couldn’t have and I’m sure they have. They gave you a better chance at life than I would have and I’m not sorry for that. I know you might think I’m heartless and cruel but I did what was best for you. My dad was a fisherman, my mom a fishmonger. They already had seven kids, what were they going to do with an extra mouth to feed?”

I continued crying though I wanted very much to stop. We sat in silence for about five minutes.

“What do you want me to do now? Why did you come here? What were you expecting?” she asked.

I had no reply to that. It was obvious I wasn’t welcome in her life.

“My husband will get home soon. He doesn’t know about you.”

She was sacking me.

“Go back to your parents and pretend all of this never happened.”

“Asi died. Almost three years ago.”

She covered her mouth with her hand. “I’m sorry.” And she did look sorry. “How about Mr Puplampu, is he alive?”

I nodded. The relief on her face was immediate. I wasn’t her problem. She walked me to the door. She didn’t even walk me to the gate. She was probably in a hurry to get back to her perfect life and her perfect children who were not mistakes.