The year is 2009. The date is the 25th of December.
The Christmas tree is there. And so is my dad. He sits at the head of the table, a glass of whisky in his hand; his head bobbing to a jazz tune that’s playing on the background. He looks at Sim and he smiles. Sim doesn’t see him though – all his attention is focused on the Christmas tree.
Sim is standing next to the tree; he doesn’t take his eyes off the colourful boxes that lie underneath it. Daddy promised to buy him something. I’m just not sure what it is yet. A collection of Shakespeare books? A chess board?
“Daddy, may I open my Christmas presents yet?” he screams, nobody pays him any attention. He is just an impatient kid, anyway. (“Just like his mother,” as dad would say).
Daddy does not answer. Instead, he stares at mommy as if saying ‘he’s just as impatient as you’. In the kitchen, Mom, with a glass of wine in her hands, looks at daddy and smiles! She smiles like she’s the happiest woman in the world. Just by looking at her, one can tell that her heart is humming a peaceful melody; her heart sings joy. Nothing brings mommy more joy than being around her family – especially at times like these!
This is the world as I see it: Dad loves his family; mom’s family is the centre of her world; Shakespeare is the centre of Sim’s world. And I’m 14. And I just tasted my first glass of wine. Life is beautiful! We are a family.
Today is the 25th of December. The year is 2015.
The Christmas tree is not there. Dad no longer sits at the head of the table. Mom’s heart no longer sings. Sim has outgrown the Shakespeare phase. He no longer recites Sonnet 116 at the top of his head. “Love alters, O no – it is not an ever-fixed mark. Just look at mommy and daddy,” he said the other day. I don’t know why, but when he said that tears welled up in my eyes.
And for the very first time I saw that when dad left, it’s not only himself (his body, his clothes) that he took from us. He took so many things! He took the smile from mommy’s face. He took Sim’s childhood and plunged him into a world where he has to harden his heart to survive. But, one thing that he took, and we can never have back is the Christmas tree, with all its colourfully wrapped boxes and an impatient child underneath it.
Christmas will never be the same again.
Today is going to be just another quiet day – like all the days of the year! We’ll sing happy-birthday-to-you, he’ll blow the candles, and cut the cake.
And in uncomfortable silence, we’ll eat… No festivities! Nothing big… An incomplete family gathering! But then life goes on, still…
ZZ xxx
Dish it: What is your Christmas looking like?