Sunday, 14 August 21:05

Dinner with family (the past)

Mama and Tata and Sim and I sit on the dining table. Our hands form a chain, our heads bowed. “Thank you, Lord, for the food we are about to receive. Aaaamen.” Sim, my four year old baby brother, sings the short prayer.

I laugh. My parents laugh, too; my father’s laughter is like a lion’s roar, his chest moves up and down rhythmically. Sim opens his eyes. He looks at us and quickly glances down, shyly.

He is only four years old.

This thing of praying for the food is new. Sim brought it from crèche and it has since became a regular occasion at our table, enforced with childish preciseness by none other than Sim himself.

“Daddy, I must thank the Lord before we eat!” He says every time we sit to eat. We hold our hands and we bow our heads. His tiny voice says a prayer that hardly lasts a minute followed by his signature “Aaamen!” – which, in turn, is followed by laughter.

I always laugh at how Sim says “Aaamen,” with enthusiasm and relief; as if that word is the most important word in what he has just said.

***

Dinner alone! (The present)

I’m alone and lonely. I’m sitting on my bed. I cooked this afternoon. It’s dumplings and chicken, my father and Sim’s favourite.

Earlier on, I felt home sick and a bit nostalgic. So, I cooked something that I thought would bring me closer to being home, something from my childhood, a meal I have shared with family.

Now, I’m sitting here and feeling the loneliest I have ever felt in years. The food is here and as expected it has brought back memories I had forgotten. However, there are things missing, too. I have no one’s hands but my own to hold, no one to bow a head with. Sim is not here to bless the food and say “Aaamen” in that way of his that use to crack me up.

I don’t know why, but lately I’ve been missing my family. I guess this is what happens when you grow up! You start realising that you are not an island; you need your family. You need to hear them laughing over something as incredulously stupid as a four year old saying ‘Aaamen.’

ZZ xx

Dish it: what do you miss most about childhood?