We are having a make-believe summer in Cape Town. The vibrant colours, the cleavages and all the charm that goes with them are back… but for how long?
Even the trains are almost on time, but not quite.
Taxi guards shout louder than the taxi horns. The lady on the PA system sounds strange today, it is almost as if she is begging the train to hurry up from Vasco station. It must have understood her and magically makes its appearance.
Die Son needs a ”Most Wanted” page. Not even The Wild Wild West was this crazy. It’s all bullets, bodies and blood covering the first few pages. The train stops as if someone slammed hard on the brakes. This train driver must be a horse rider, like an Urban Cowboy bringing his steed to a sudden halt.
”Jarre, die jongens skiet daa’ by ôs. My ouma gan ma’ by my antie bly, anners gan sy omkap,” a youngster tells his friends.
“Watte flêt bly julle dan?” a guy asks.
”Harmony,” the reply comes.
”Ma’ dai flêt is al leeg geskiet al,” another youngster says.
”Ja my pa wil ‘it weggegierit ma toe wil n druglord dit hê. My tôppie wil ‘it vi chêrity gie ma hulle skyl,” the youngster explains.
“Waa’ gan julle ‘an bly?” his friend asks.
”Ienage plek. Ek wil nettie gunshots en vyl under nourished unhygienic uncultured jongens met guns siennie,” the youngster says with disgust.
”Ja uneducated un-alles. ‘n Man smaakie mee’ nie,” a friend agrees.
Parow station pretends to seem peaceful, but the police presence is imposing. A troop of ticket verifiers along with a few police officers enter the train and the Urban Cowboy leaves the station with a wild leap.
A young lady in Metrorail jacket, her hair GHD’d is blowing bubbles from the gum she chews while she checks our tickets.
She tries to get her eyes to look over or around the bubble while millions of foreign germs attack the bubble. As she deflates it back into her mouth, she coughs gently and her eyes start turning red.
“Kom menee’ kom waa’s jou ticket?” Bubble Betty says.
”Hallo wag. Djy kan mos sien ek soek ‘it jarre,” the guy says.
”Wat dink djy die’s jou pa se trein?” she asks as he struggles to find his ticket. ”Menee’ moenie try nie. Het djy ‘n ticket of wat? Die issie jou pa se trein nie,” she says.
”Hallo officer, nog ‘n Ghost Rider,” she exclaims and at Tygerberg station the ghost is ousted from the carriage.
This time Urban Cowboy gives us less of a leap and more of a gentle shove as we leave.
Bubble Betty continues her inspection, and then just as Bellville appears, she blows a huge bubble. She suddenly sneezes.
Bubble Betty’s bubble burst and her face is covered with bubble gum. Some of it gets into her recently GHD’s hair.
Within that moment Urban Cowboy brings the train to a halt.
Bubble Betty somehow manages to be first out the doors and hurriedly disappears between the crowds to find somewhere that she can mend her face; mend her hair and mend her deflated ego.
***
Urban Dictionary
Jarre – An exclamation or a sigh equivalent to saying “Gee-whiz”
omkap – Literally means to “fall over” and could either mean to collapse (from illness or exhaustion) or to collapse and die.
flêt – “Flat” but not as one would refer to as a unit in a black of flats but the entire block of flats.
weggegierit – A colloquial way of saying “weggegee het” which translated means to have “given away”|
tôppie – A slang term for “father or dad”
skyl – From the word skuil wich means to seek shelter. In this case it means to be afraid and therefore avoid doing something.
charity – Afrikaaps vernacular way of saying “charity”.
“‘n Man smaakie mee’ nie”
“I no longer feel up to it”