It’s often said that “you know a man is deeply hurt if he cries in public”, consequently some guys hide their emotions because they fear being labelled ‘weak’. Undisputedly, men are humans too. Men cry because they’re human. We, men, are really easy creatures (okay, maybe not always) to live with. Here are things you need to understand about us:

Men have tears for a reason

I don’t know but I just felt the need to remind you of this before we proceed: Men are blood and flesh too; they also long for that good warm hug from their loved ones. We act hard because that’s what society expects from us. We sometimes (if not often) need someone to kiss us on the forehead and whisper the three magic words: ‘I love you’.

If we say it’s almost impossible to give or teach someone something new, then shouldn’t men be granted love if they are to pass it on to someone else? We live in a democratic state that aims to bring equality amongst the two genders, but equality means accepting that a man who sheds a tear is not less masculine but rather human.

Please meet Sizwe and Andile, my friends.

Friends are just as important to guys as they are to girls, so if you want to impress him more, learn to tolerate his friends.

Sizwe and Andile are both definitely my number one friends but don’t really get as enthusiastic as I do when I talk about the soccer match we won. And also, they think about Beyoncé every time I mention the word ‘formation’. Contrary to popular belief which states that friends hook each other up with ladies at the club, they are actually the ones who scold me when I’m pulling Amanda by the hand and say “You have had enough now!”.

We can’t shy away from the fact that relationships aren’t perfect. With that said, please understand that these guys assure me “every relationship has its problems” when ours hits rock bottom. So if I abandon them now, who will I run to if our paths diverge?

So girl, you promised to love me with all my flaws, so here they are… Sizwe and Andile!

Space

When it comes to men, we do also love having our own time-out where we can be alone and do what we want to do. Jealousy and low self-esteem may prompt you to keep a tab on my daily routines, keep track on everything I do. It’s (arguably) natural, but suffocating and stalking me to the garage will do us more harm than good. Now, isn’t it ironic how allowing each other space could actually bring you closer?

There are other significant people worth your attention. They love you and need your time. As much as we enjoy our time together, we can’t find pleasure by shutting out other people in our lives.

One advantage about long-distance-relationships is that you appreciate every second you get with your significant other as you don’t get enough time with them, something that doesn’t give room for unnecessary arguments.

Take charge – As much as we like taking charge and holding the steering wheel, we do want our women to give out directions on how to do stuff, now and then. It reminds us that we are involved with someone who values the relationship equally. There’s nothing nicer than coming home and finding out that your special somebody is there waiting for you. One thing that hurts the most and make other men reluctant to commit is the fear of being the one who’s pulling. We want someone who’s going to put in all the effort for us as much as we do, it makes us feel appreciated and treasured. Remember it takes two to make it work.

We want to get home one evening from work and be told that “Hey baby, I’m sorry but you’ve to drop your friends tonight because I’ve made plans for us”. There are slim chances that we would miss the Soweto derby at Majola’s Place for a walk in the park but we still appreciate the initiative. Okay jokes aside, we might agree to cancel the get-together if you allow us to take one or two with us after an exhausting day at the office.

Respect

I can’t stress this enough, the amount of respect you have determines how others treat you. Call me a tata’s/mama’s boy but those two people I call my parents nurtured and groomed me into everything that you love today, therefore it’s mandatory to respect them. Fact is no man wants to introduce a makoti to his parents and be faced with questions such as “Whose child is this? Ngokabani lo mntana?”

You can’t possibly claim to love me if you don’t value the people that made me the finished product you see today. People refer to you as “Ndibulele’s wife” that only means you are the reflection of me. How you carry yourself before others should never raise questions such as “I wonder what he saw in her, yaz’ba ubone nton”. Older people know better. Respect, please.

Sorry, but it’s called ‘iPhone’ for a reason

Imagine your boss regularly checked your browser history to see whether you were accessing any inappropriate websites on your work computer, wouldn’t you feel untrusted and unappreciated? That’s precisely how guys feel when our women insist on checking our call logs and messages. Yes, you may be ignorant of who we’re chatting to on WhatsApp or who hits up our phones at midnight but whatever happened to giving someone the ‘benefit of the doubt’? The person I’ve been chatting to could be the planner for the surprise birthday I’m organising, and I couldn’t tell you about the call because I’d be spoiling the surprise.

All we are asking for in this regard is your trust. If you love me enough to be with me then please trust me enough to allow some distance between your microscope and my phone. However, if you’ve to play detective to keep our relationship going, then let us kiss and say goodbye we’ve exhausted our life span…

Last but not least, just be yourself because we will love you more for it. Let us know what else you think men want. #StayTrendi

Written by Inspiring Tomorrow author Ndibulele Sotondoshe

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