Seeing yourself through other people’s eyes makes you seem so much better, but seeing yourself through another women’s eyes can make you seem perfect compared to how you see yourself. You girls and women, many of you know exactly what I’m talking about. Why is that? Maybe because most of us would rather accept other people’s perceptions of us rather than our own perception of ourselves.

Truth be told, no one is perfect. Yes, it’s a cliché that’s been used to death, but it’s always more difficult to accept the truth than it is to accept a lie.

Look at me for instance, I have low self-esteem (even though everyone I know thinks I’m the most confident person they know), I hate the way I look (even though I’m told I’m beautiful many times), I tear myself down on a daily basis, I make friends easily but push them away when they get close or start caring about me, I compare myself to people who I think are better than me (when in actual fact I’m the one who’s better than them). See, through all the compliments and smiles I receive, I still cannot accept myself for who I am. I do try though, on a daily basis, because who is going to love someone who can’t even begin to love herself?

I’m sure I’m not the only girl/woman on this planet that feels this way. Life is tough, it was never meant to be easy. Bad things happen to good people and vice versa, but that doesn’t mean you should stop trying to figure out who you really are or meant to be. That’s supposed to be one of life’s challenges, isn’t it? If you think about it rationally, no matter what you’re going through, there’s always someone somewhere who has an even more raw deal than you.

So ladies listen up, stop pitying yourself, stop second guessing yourself, stop living your life through other people’s eyes or for other people, stop thinking so much (it can get depressing after a while), stop lying to yourself, stop putting other people before yourself (that’s what doormats were made for), stop making plans (rather follow through on the ones you made in the past) and lastly, stop and look in the mirror. I mean really look, not at the makeup, eyeliner or foundation – look at you. The person staring back at you. Look at the shape of your nose, colour of your eyes, the blemishes and freckles, look at the pear, saucer, droopy, pointy or elf ears. That’s when you really see yourself. Now accept and love that person, imperfections and all – the add-ons come later.

This is not one of those therapy pep talk sessions. It’s my experience of myself that I choose to share because I know somewhere out there is or will be a fellow sister who is going to need to read or hear what I’ve just said. If not, at least I’ll know where to look if I start doubting myself again. Women need real women to inspire and encourage them, and I don’t mean the women we seem to worship on TV, the internet or magazines. I mean the single parents who put a meal on the table every day, the domestic worker who cleans rich people’s houses for a living, the sister who can rock an all-natural afro with growth and all, the plump ladies who can take the runway any day no matter their weight, and those fortunate enough to eat whatever they want and not gain a single pound (I’m jealous). We live with and around these women yet we don’t see them as beautiful, but to me they are.

I’m no good at talking about myself or my feelings, in a way this is me telling myself what I have to hear and not what I need to hear. It’s a start, it’s more than I can say for some people. A happy read and a happy women’s month to all you fabulous sisters out there. This was specially written for all of you.

It is said that a women has a heart as big as the ocean and a love that is infinite, do you infinitely love the girl/woman that you see when you look in the mirror?

Written by Veronica Boyi

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