The ‘Do this and you’ll get that’ theory is one of the most common teaching methods for parents and teachers. Yet it can be one of the worst things possible for children and it could even hinder their learning experience.

Recently I read an article from The New York Times online: ‘Why You Shouldn’t Pay Children for Grades’ by Amy Mccready (Sep 13. 2015). This article resonated so much with me because of my love for children and working with children. But also it made me realise what I had been doing wrong with the way I would help educate my nephews on school work. And this is sometimes how parents do handle managing their kids. It is the easiest way but in the long run it could cause more harm than good.

For some of us, growing up in poor or disadvantaged circumstances, you know the feeling you got whenever you did well in school and your parent rewarded you with chocolates or ice cream as they had promised. It was a wonderful feeling because those things were luxuries and could only be had when something big happened.

So you worked hard so you could enjoy the treats alone, instead of sharing with your siblings. The only problem with this was that over time, if you honestly didn’t like the subject or it wasn’t your strongest suit, you would end up not passing well either way. The treats slowly seemed minimal for your hard work and you wanted something more. If your parents couldn’t afford to get it the result was that you gave up with trying so hard.

In the article Amy said: “Children who are rewarded for good grades start to feel entitled to a pay-out which robs them of the ability to cultivate a love of learning and a sense of responsibility for their own education.”

This is very true because children’s mind-sets change so rapidly and over time receiving the same incentive can start to become boring.

This happens to a lot of children and I have also witnessed it with my nephews. Every time I would promise something to get them to do something or excel in something. I would then either not fulfil the deal or give them something minimal like chocolates. The more time passed by the more they either got over it or they wanted something bigger and better like the latest Play Stations which I could not afford nor want to use as an incentive. But in the article from The New York Times, Amy described some really interesting tips that I think each parent should take note of. Below is a few of those tips.

  • Parents should rather focus on helping their children develop better study habits and should always be consistent on schoolwork routines. Which I think is more important than having to always incentivise or promise your children endless gifts based on their performance.
  • Refuse to rescue your child every time they forget to do their homework. “Set them up for success and then put the ball squarely in their court, even allowing them to fail. They will reap greater rewards from learning important life lessons about responsibility than from any cash payment.”
  • Parents should put more effort in the hard work rather than the A grade. When children get good grades based on their hard work they appreciate it more instead of when you force them to do it. Parents should “use encouraging words that focus on the effort or behaviour that led to a good result, rather than the result itself.” Also, parents need to encourage their children to keep trying, and remind them that persistence will pay off in the long run.
  • Parents need to be helpful but not too helpful. Amy says that when children ask for help, sometimes it’s their way of asking you to do the work for them. She suggests that parents should set a time period for when they can help and this should be on condition that the child has completed everything they know in the homework and therefore this period is used to explain the more difficult concepts.
  • Lastly, Parents should let their children learn to be responsible for their own work. Amy said that “While it may seem like parental misconduct to let our children take age-appropriate responsibility for their own education (and fail sometimes, too) letting children manage their own homework, studies and grades, for better or worse, is the best way to prepare them to navigate life’s ups and downs and become who they want to be.”

    • The role of the parent is always there to guide and educate the child but not to do everything for them.

    I hope you have found this blog useful and have learnt something new.

    Tell us what you have done to encourage your child to score better grades in school.

    Written by Phoebe Sibomana