I was innocent when I became motherless. My father was at work when a call pushed him to his brother’s house. Everyone was blissful that a new soul has arrived – except my mother. She kept me away from him in the first two months of my life – that’s what my family says, and when he held me for the first time, I believe that’s when she got the freedom to abandon me – she disappeared within a blink of an eye, and she was nowhere to be found.

I hit the age of four years without my mother, and those were the bravest years of my life. My father got sick and began to walk with crutches, at that time I didn’t know who my family members were, I just watched an old man crawling and praying, “I have a child to raise God, please don’t take me.” I still remember his prayers like it was yesterday, I used to join him praying although I didn’t know what I was saying, but it was pure and innocent. Do you know those church mates that like pretending as if they are angels? I know them very well.

One promised that she’ll take care of us, and knowing the situation we were in, I don’t blame my father for moving in her house, and damn! The house was beautiful. Days went by and I saw the old man in tears, he was so helpless, and I was very young I couldn’t help. I used to clean the whole house and fetch firewood every day, if I wouldn’t do that my father would sleep with an empty stomach, and I would be beaten too before him, remember, he was sick. After a few months of persevering in that house, God replied and he got better.

Dad moved out of that house and went to his shack. “Daughter, I’m not leaving you in this house, I’m going to look for a job so that I take care of you and sooner you’ll go back home with me.” I cried a dam of tears. I was a child but I had to take care of other children, and I remember seeing that aunty pouring the food I was supposed to eat on my face. “Daddy come back to me!” I cried. After a few days my dad came back a stronger man and his crutches were absent, and the ruthless aunty got startled and wore her fake smile. “Thanks for allowing us in your house,” my dad said.

I went back home with a big delighted smile on my face, and I met my stepmother. That woman would treat me well when my daddy was around, but when he was gone to work, I would see hell in my father’s shack, she would make food for her kids and leave me hungry. I would do all the home chores, and know this, although it was a shack, but still, it was my father’s house, I was treated like a stinking dog in my father’s house. I became scared every day until he noticed bruises on my body, and that woman was kicked out.

Few weeks later I started going to work with him, he would bath me, feed me and dress me like a princess. My school years approached, and I realized that I was angry, teachers would put pressure on me and ask stupid questions in front of other kids, “Why don’t you write for Khumbul’ ekhaya? Maybe you’ll find your mother.” I was young for that, and plus, I didn’t say I want my mother, I had a her in my father. I saw endless love in my father. Look at the love that Valdo receives from his father Lindo -the SA house music artist -I got it too from my father.

Unfortunately the love that comes from the male gender is ignored. Real love in this world is the one that comes from a woman. Statistics of mothers abandoning their kids are increasing. Other kids are found in the dustbins and some are dumped in the toilet, others were killed by pillows. Sadly I’m in the number of the dumped ones, at the same time I’m fortunate I was dumped in my father’s hands, the best place a person was ever dumped in.

This was written as part of Fundza’s Fellowship programme.