When I got home, I wanted to cry, but I could not because there were people around. I did not want to embarrass myself, so I pretended as if everything was fine.

I did not eat anything and pretended to have a stomach-ache that night, then I took 2 adco-dols when I went to bed, but I still was not able to sleep. I got up and took another two pills, but I still could not sleep. I was awake the whole night, and I only dosed off around four in the morning. I woke up around seven in the morning, but at least I was alone because my mom and sister were both at work.

I did not know what I was going to do because I no longer had a job at church because I had been replaced. I looked at myself in the mirror, and I did not recognise myself. I looked terrible. My skin had turned dark, and my eyes were red and had bags underneath them. After looking at myself for a while, I sat down and thought about the things that had happened the previous day.

I thought about the looks I had gotten from people, and about the two ushers who had laughed at me. Tears poured down my eyes at the thoughts, and I felt so humiliated. There was a thought at the back of my mind to kill myself, but then I thought of my mother. I felt like such a failure, though. There I was, at the age of thirty, and I did not even have a single qualification. I had dropped out of a TVET college, I did not have a job, and the future looked bleak for me.

I had thought I was going to be married to Ayanda, who was a dentist, and I thought he would take care of me. The thought of Ayanda marrying Khanya, who was much younger than me and was a master’s student, haunted me. It seemed as if he was looking down on me, and I started looking at myself too.

After everything that had happened, I stopped going to church. Mam’mfundisi tried to convince me to go back to church, but I could not stand witnessing Ayanda marrying someone else. I wanted to go and confront him, but I did not want to embarrass myself even more. In the following weeks, I became a shadow of my former self. I became very thin and ugly, and I did not even have the energy to take care of myself. When walking down the streets, I would hear people laughing and thought they were laughing at me.

One day, I went to town because my mother asked me to go buy groceries. When I was in the line at the Supermarket, a girl called Sibongiseni from church stood behind me, and she was with two other girls I did not know.

“Are you going to watch the upcoming Blues match at Fort Hare peto?” asked one girl.

“No chomi, I’ll not be able to. There’s a wedding at church that weekend, and I’m a bridesmaid,” Sibongiseni responded.

“Hmmm, kelonto niyatshata kwezicawe zenu chocho, I’m sure you’ll invite us to your wedding one day,” the one girl said.

“Yes girl. If it happens, I’ll surely invite you,” Sibongiseni responded.

“What do you mean if it happens, chomi?” the other girl asked.

“I mean exactly that, my friend. If it happens, I’ll be happy and thank God. If it doesn’t happen, I’m still okay. I’m not one of those desperate, weak sisters who take off their panties for any man because of marriage,” Sibongiseni said.

“Is this what people think of me, that I’m loose?” I thought to myself while listening to the girls. “God knows I’m not loose. When my friends were having sex during my teenage years, I stayed faithful to him. When I met men who promised me heaven on earth, I stayed faithful to God. How dare people speak about me as if I’m some loose woman with no morals?”

The thoughts remained in my mind, though. I did not have the guts to respond to Sbongiseni, so I just walked away. I was devastated and needed to speak to someone, so I thought of sis’Lizzie. Sis’Lizzie is a lady from church. She was about forty five years old, and she was a peaceful person who never seemed to be bothered by anything.

Tell us: What do you think about Christians who judge people even though their religion is against them doing so?