***The Probe***

Here I am now, blankly staring at the ceiling and flinching from the cold that is starting to invade my “not so big” bedroom. War Baby is playing its last verse, where the choir smoothly flows in a sweet hummed tune, so I try to squash my thoughts by joining in the humming.

“Red light, this is a clear sign of desperation!” I think to myself.

The humming goes on for just half a minute, then the song ends and then comes the next song, which I do not like. I then get my phone and start going through my contacts. I bite my lip while thinking of who to call.

“I want to call someone who might have an answer to my newfound memory loss, but who could that someone be?” I think to myself.

At this moment, my contact list seems not to have a potential candidate, but as I continue scrolling down the names according to their alphabetical order, almost reaching the end, I come across a name that catches my attention. UNATHI.

“Yes! Another varsity friend,” I think.

I suddenly remember spending a great amount of time with him at the club the previous night. We took a couple of shots together, smoked the pipe together, and, bummer, we even shared a girl. The thought of it makes my stomach dive, but I then wonder why it is diving now because we have done it a couple of times before. It is sort of our thing. Just one of our dangerous habits that come with being spoiled university studs in a free country.

But, spoiled or not, I still have to call the guy and trace my steps. I want to know how I got home because I have never passed out at a party before. I might have a long chain of cases where I got drunk as f*ck, and a long chain of cases where I got high as f*ck, but not to the point where I FAIL to get home. Or FAIL to remember how I got home.

I sigh, feeling disappointed in myself, and then dial Unathi’s number, praying it does not go to voicemail. I listen to it as it rings, and my heart is thudding like that of a toddler going to Jurassic park wanting to see dinosaurs but also scared of the stubborn fact that they are extinct.

“Hello,” Unathi’s voice beams through the earpiece.

“My God, he seems drunk and occupied,” I think before responding. “One might wonder, at 7am? Yep! That is Unathi alright: always having an after party of his own. I suspect he has not slept at all since the previous night. He is one of those people who have a rule of not sleeping the day they wake up.”

I hesitate after drawing the conclusions. “Did I … er … did I call you at the wrong time?” I ask abruptly, and then realise how stupid it is of me to ask what I already know.

“What?” Unathi asks, speaking in a hoarse voice that paints my stupidity blue.

“Er … I was wondering if I called at the wrong time,” I respond after deciding to accept my stupidity and certifying it by continuing with the question.

Before responding Unathi giggles and a female voice talks to him in the background. “No,” he barks, both at me and his female friend, I think. I then hear the girl whining in a low voice, and Unathi groans before coming back to me. “No, Teekay. You called at the right time, brother. I was about to make love to Chantelle, that chick from our History class. Want to join?”

“Oh, so it’s Chantelle!” I think to myself before responding. I then hear her screaming my name in the background. “Seriously?” I think again, rolling my eyes. “No, thank you,” I finally say. “I am not calling for that, Unathi. I am just trying to follow something here. Sort of a probe.”

“A what?” Unathi shouts. He is not very bright when he is drunk. There are some words that fail to register with his vocabulary in moments like these, and as his long-time friend, I am guilty of frequently forgetting it.

“God forgive me,” I think to myself. “An investigation,” I finally say, making it light for him. “I’m simply trying to understand how in the hell I got home from the club yesterday. It is you I was with for the most part of the night, so do you must know something?”

Instead of responding, Unathi just laughs.

“Just don’t laugh, Unathi. And I’m … OMG! I cannot believe this. I am wearing only my boxers! Did I strip last night?” I say, feeling surprised that I am only seeing it now.

“Oh, you’re asking about that?” Unathi asks, laughing again.

“Yes, that! So … can you at least tell me something helpful, please Unathi. I am just praying I didn’t make a sin,” I respond.

“Dude,” Unathi says, giggling and almost choking. “All I know is that you passed out. You freaking passed out, bro.”

“I know I passed out, damn it, but it’s not what I’m looking for,” I respond. “I want you to be serious for one minute, Unathi. I want you to tell me how I got home. Keywords “HOW I GOT HOME”, not what you are telling me!”

“Hey, relax,” Unathi says. “It wasn’t me, alright?”

“I know it wasn’t you, stupid,” I say. “You do not drive anymore. Your licence was confiscated. I just want to know what really transpired. I thought you had an idea since you always brag that everything passes through you.”

“Yeah bro, nothing misses me,” Unathi responds. “So let me stop messing with you. Look … the thing is, you stripped like a devil, dude. You were singing and dancing after doing cocaine – of which I warned you not to, because I knew it would crack you up. You went crazy, bro, topping up with the drinks again. Huh … it was a disaster, and then you passed out a few minutes later. As for what happened after that, I do not know, man. I just left you on that freaking couch to sleep, knowing you were safe since it was the VIP section. That’s all, man.”

“Damn, bro! So you never saw who took me home?” I ask.

“After you passed out … no!” Unathi responds. “I got a little occupied myself. You know me, man.”

“Okay, dude. I get it,” I say faintly. “Thanks anyway for not helping.”

“You’re welcome,” he responds in a blunt manner, showing that he was not even paying attention to my last remarks – being obviously preoccupied with that girl.

“Goodbye, man,” I say.

“Alright, bro. We cool, we straight,” Unathi responds. “Nothing is missing, right? None of your stuff was stolen?” he asks.

“No, everything is there,” I respond. “The only thing that is missing is information about how I got home.”

Tell us: What do you think about the way Unathi left Thulani after he passed out in a club?