And then I remembered. I once dated a girl in high school but I knew her as Sphe. She told me she had a sister but she didn’t live with her. Sphe was bright; she was beautiful; and, I played her. She was madly in love with me and – that was the point – get them to love you then you leave.
“But…” I stuttered as the connection started to put itself together. I refused to believe it.
“She had a sister. ME! At the time I was living with my mother. She had moved here because my mother couldn’t feed us all. After you used her, she moved back with us and killed herself.”
I was astonished. At the time didn’t know what to say. She continued.
“Yes Kamu, Mr Player! I longed for this day. I knew about everything. When I was going to Nigeria I wasn’t going to work. I was just going to meet up with the person who knew about the fraud your boss was doing and help alert people about it,” she said and she had that disgusted look on her face.
I didn’t know what to say but had to say something.
“Why are you doing this to me? I was young and stupid when I was with Sphe. I didn’t even know that she killed herself. I’m sorry!” I said earnestly as I walked towards her.
“You are what? Oh no, you are not sorry. I was supposed to leave you the last time with the letter but I then thought to myself, I was not a coward like you. You used my sister and left a letter for her. I’m doing this for the very same reason that you did it to her.”
“What about the kids? Is this what you are going to tell them?”
“The kids! What about Sphe and my mother? My mother couldn’t deal with the pain. She died from the stress and depression that you put her in.”
“But you told me she died when you were seven?” I said rather mawkishly.
“I lied! You see when you are going to do something bad to someone, make sure you don’t leave any stone unturned. I’m not going to tell MY KIDS because you are not going to be part of their lives. You are going to move away from Middelburg and go to hell! But for now you can live with your parents. They are far enough for me and my kids to make a living without your ass around here. I swear to God, if I as much as see your footprint here am going to sing to the kids how much of a monster you are!”
Her bags were already packed and she was bringing them one by one from the room.
“Please do me a favour and kill yourself when you get to Pretoria. It will be much better for everyone.”
I crumbled down and cried like a baby. My past had caught up with me. Do the sin, face the music!
“But I love you, we had great moments together and all this time you were just using me. I am sorry Zandile, I didn’t know about Sphe or your mother.”
She stood and looked at me sadly.
“I’m sorry too, but I owed it to them to seek justice. And you were right FAITH bought us together but not for the same reasons,” her voice was soft this time around.
“Why didn’t you just kill me the first time you saw me? You had seven years; you prepared my food and everything, why didn’t you just kill me?”
She turned around and came to me. I was already in tears and on my knees.
“This moment right here is the reason why I couldn’t kill you,” she said gently and very softly. “I had to see you experience this moment. I could give you a rope right now so you can hang yourself but it wouldn’t give me much joy to have to see another dead body. Goodbye Kamu.”
As she walked away I couldn’t stop crying. I even went and put on the DVD from our wedding day. I lay on the couch and watched it repeatedly.
A couple of days later I went to jail and did my time. I came back and went to live with my parents. Life changed. Nobody would hire a criminal who had done three years. But a friend of my father did. Although it wasn’t as fancy as my previous job, it was a job nonetheless.
As for my kids they are just a camera click away.
Tell us what you think: Have you ever held a grudge against someone? How long did it last?