Me And Life

I was greeted by happy faces when I first approached earth, not knowing the womb was the warmest place I’d ever feel. As my brain developed my life depreciated its worth. My dinner table turned to a trash can with coke and my bed into piled up plastic and boxes. I grasped through cold winters thankful for each whaff of oxygen my lungs earned.

Poverty and death seemed to be full of pride to visit such a poor little man like me. The only friends that stuck closer to me were only flies; they stuck with me day and night unlike their two cousins – mosquitoes and ticks – dumping me because I had nothing to offer for four weeks.

There was a certain night whereby I slept on an empty stomach, starving. I was woken up by a voice saying: “I AM THE BREAD OF LIFE. HE WHO COMES TO ME SHALL NEVER THIRST.”

I knew that this was indeed my last weep; a shepherd has now found his lost sheep. I was not sure what to wear before meeting this mighty king, but at least I rested assured that this was my last weep. But struggle is a tree that produces sour fruits and it leads to the negative side of the mind. My past made me face each and every day with a strong confidence and made me realise that nothing will ever come easily. I knew that nothing will be better till I changed the path that I was walking on.

Poverty and ambition will never be the same thing, because poverty brings a dangerous mind and a hopeless life while ambition is priceless. There was a certain time when I wanted to give up living because I lacked respect because of my surroundings. A time when I was angry at everyone and everything; even angry at myself. But because of the man I have inside of me I managed to let go of the good and tackled down my obstacles.

Most people judged me because of my character. I used to cry day and night longing to my Lord to untie me from my past and wash me with His holy blood. Neighbours laughed at me, they shook their heads saying I can’t run away from my past.

The difference between the old me and the new me is that now I’m strong enough to handle all the circumstances and obstacles that stand in my way. I’ve fought my demons. I’ve been broken into pieces, lied to and taken advantage of. I’ve been dragged through the mud more than once and every time I picked myself up and washed it off. I won’t say I spent most of my life in poverty but I’ve been hungry. But due to my hands I found a short way to run away from poverty.

I used my mind to think and my heart to decide and my heart turns as the engine of my body. I almost dwelled on the wrong highway of friends, whereby we thought we were on our own planet, a planet of dangerous minds. There was a time whereby we left everyone in pains and hopeless minds, including innocent ones such as our parents.

Ooh no, filthy minds once tried to defeat my innocent mind as a teenager. I gave my peers permission to be in charge of my own life and I realised that it was me who gave them authority to control my destiny. I am a son of a mania man whom was created by the one only man (GOD), that’s why no weapon formed against me shall prosper and my past will never hold me down, as long as I still have my intelligent mind and heart.

Everyone has a dream of overcoming his/her past. I always preached and dreamed to untie myself from the devil’s playground but the big question was: how can I survive while I still keep myself tangled from my past? This life blinded my eyes with negative attitude towards my wellbeing. I was held and trapped down by friends; my life was turned up like an old blanket and broken down into pieces like a glass.

All I knew was that I was born intelligent and nothing could destroy such a strong young man like me. I can still remember the time when my beloved mother passed away, that was the most miserable moment of my dearest life. I felt so lonely, hopeless and scared. My heart stopped for few minutes and I even thought that I was dead for quite some time.

Her death almost changed my life because without her I considered myself as a young man who would not survive without his mother’s love. It nearly destroyed me but I raised up my hands and channelled my heart with the word of the Almighty God.

I couldn’t think about anything besides these monsters who intended to be my friends – poverty and hunger. But I knew that they were not meant to be my friends for too long. I became angry and bitter because I felt like I was lost in the maze and in the middle of nowhere. My feeling with fierce trials was tested and my courage protested and now all is awakened by hope.

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Tell us: Have you ever felt like you have lost hope? What kept you going?