That afternoon Angie got seriously ill and was rushed to the hospital. I will never forget the moment when the doctor came to me in the waiting room and told me my wife had passed on. I stood still for a moment, refusing to feel anything, refusing to think anything, refusing to say anything and refusing to do anything. Even the air in the room became suffocating.

“You will not die. I won’t let you… You will not die… You will not… You will not die. I won’t let you… You will not die… will not die… will not die… will not die… not die… not die,”

The words kept echoing in my heard and I felt so weak. I had let her die… I hadn’t been able to save her.

“Son, it’s time for your speech!” the sound of my father in-law’s voice brought me back to the present.

For a moment I didn’t get what he was saying until he repeated it. I realised then that I hadn’t prepared a speech. I couldn’t put pen to paper about what I was feeling… what I am feeling.

I walked to the front with my eyes glued to the casket, but it’s not really the casket I was seeing; it was the picture on top of the casket. It was Angie’s picture and in the picture she was all smiles and so full of life. It was almost impossible to believe that she was gone. I walked to the casket and knelt beside it while looking at that picture.

“Look at you Angie, how can you still smile at me when you couldn’t take me with you? How can you still look so beautiful in that picture and so full of life, yet you are no longer here with us? You were my world… my everything… How will I move on without you?

“Wandilakwira nkazi wanga because I would be lost without you. You have hurt me for the first time. Why did it have to be you and why did it have to be this soon? Just two years ago people gathered to witness us exchanging our vows and promising each other forever. And today those very people are gathered here to say goodbye to you.

“You were one beautiful soul and you left a mark on each one of us. Everyone here has a reason to mourn and remember you. You were a remarkable woman and I was lucky to have you for a wife. You will forever live in my heart, Angie. I will forever love you. Continue resting in peace until we meet again and be sure to wait for me up there. I will miss you greatly.”

I could feel hot tears coming out. I was hurting and breaking. I watched the casket being lowered into the grave. And I watched people leaving…disappearing. To them life had to move on but to me the life clock had stopped ticking. It stopped moving when my wife died. The future seems so scary and hopeless. I’m losing myself. I can feel myself fading away.

***

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