I first saw her on February 2015, I don’t remember the exact date. She was beautiful but didn’t strike me at first. Maybe it was because I was around a lot of beautiful girls. We were at Thusanang, a place where children from the schools around Soweto were offered extra lessons to improve their grades.

And we also got a chance to participate in sports and arts. She was in her beautiful, elegantly looking blue tunic. I looked at her and she looked back at me. We did not utter any words or exchange smiles; we just stared at each other for a short period of time.

I guess we would have talked if the teacher had not walked in class at that awkward moment. But after that short stare with her, something in her struck me. I don’t know what it is or was, or what it could be or what it could have been – whatever that means! But, that ‘something’ was left in me.

On the next day of class, by luck or coincidence, we sat next to each other. I got a chance to see her clearly, to analyse and scan every part of her body. But of course, only those parts that were visible to me. And I realised how beautiful she really was. I wanted to talk to her, but her beauty intimidated me and made me nervous. It made me even shyer and so I did not say anything to her for an hour and a half.

Everybody had gone out for water during break. It was only us and three other girls. One boy sat on the desk at the far corner of the class. And so since she was next to me, I had to break the silence and say something.

“Hi,” I said with a fake smile.

“Hello,” she replied calmly with a bold voice that took me to heaven. I then asked for her name.

“I am Nomathemba,” she said with a smile while rolling her eyes, which I think was unnecessary at that stage.

“Whatever that means. Wow that is such a beautiful name,” I said. “My name is Kwenzakele. I am from Anchor Comprehensive School for Boys… I am joking it’s mixed.”

Apparently most boys at Anchor did not find many girls beautiful at their school, and so they dubbed it a boys’ school.

“So where are you from?” I asked with a curious voice.

“I am from eKukhanyeni High School for girls…ngiyadlala,” she joked, just like I did.

“So is everyone from eKukhanyeni this beautiful?” I asked flirtatiously.

She just laughed and smiled. Or was she blushing? And what I saw was the best smile I had ever seen. We developed a relationship from then on. It wasn’t a romantic relationship, it was a friendship but a deeper one. We connected and correlated in every level. I fell in love with her along the way, but did not tell or show her. The relationship was fun and I enjoyed it. I would call her ‘mabhebeza’ and she would call me ‘sthandwa sami’.

We talked a lot and grew even closer. We hugged every time. One day after school I went for a kiss instead of a hug. I know. I know it was a bad move and it had the potential to destroy everything I had worked so hard on to create. But to my surprise, she gave me the allowance. I got to taste her lips. But it was a baby kiss, not exactly a baby kiss, but I wouldn’t call it an English or a French kiss.

As much as we were close, we grew apart. Something seemed to be driving us apart. When I asked her what could possibly be the problem she said she was not ready to discuss it. But that she would tell me when she was ready. She never did. I became worried of the gap that was opening up between us.

She started ignoring me without any reason. I got sick of it, and so one day I asked.

“Why do you seem like you don’t like me anymore?”

It’s not that I don’t love you,” she replied.

“So what is it?”

“I will tell you next week,” she said. This got my nerves worked up.

***

Tell us: Have you ever fell in love with your friend? What did you do about it?