I managed to get my first cell phone a year later and started turning to social media for comfort and a place where I could vent and finally make a friend or two. It was then that I met a guy. A guy that spoke to me with respect, who accepted me for who I am, a guy that had convinced me he had his life together. I thought all my worries and doubts would finally come to an end.

He complimented me every day and told me how much he loved me. I was flattered. All I wanted was to be safe and loved.

A few months later we met and he told me to move in with him. I was doubtful and excited all at once. We grew from there and he supported me and was kind and I always told him that when I got a job the first thing I will do is repay him and help with the house bills.

I knew I wanted to go back to school so I asked for help but he had issues of his own, so I tried searching online to see what I could do to contribute. Because from my knowledge of a relationship, it is meant to be 50/50. He knew I am a strong-minded individual and that I stand for what’s right and somehow that made him change towards me. I was surprised in a sense, I thought he wanted what was best for me and wanted to genuinely help me.

I was already living with him, doing house chores, preparing meals and making his coffee on time, but suddenly he didn’t want that life anymore. I was shocked. He wanted a well achieved woman with great skin and a perfect body, like those in music videos. My heart broke, I was speechless.

He started talking to other females online. I hated myself even more. I would keep quiet because I knew if I had to leave I would have nowhere to go.

My parents had already sold the house I grew up in when I decided to leave and they now lived in a 1-bedroom house that was just enough for the both of them. I wondered what I would do. My parents could only afford enough for themselves and I won’t be able to go back to my parents.

Still living with him, I started getting compulsive and jealous that he wanted other females. It began to show day by day and I would confront him and he would say he hated jealous people. I was never a jealous person until I found out I had to compete with other females.

What did I get myself into? I wondered.

Although I struggled with this man, I stayed anyway. He knew I had nowhere to go and used it to his advantage. He started emotionally abusing me, a few times physically too. I was confused. I would cry because I tried avoiding arguments or fights, I was one to resolve them, not add fuel to the fire. He would hold me against the wall and tell me not to cry, that I deserved what happened to me. Emotionally I got closed off, but tried to fix things as much as I could, hoping he would care for me again.

I wondered if he really cared or was it just all an act, to me it felt like my vulnerability got me to this place. I trusted this person, believing every word. As I live today, I know it was just all a lie.

I am now only 20 years old and I feel like I’ve been living a life of a grown up ever since I can remember. I was emotionally and physically exhausted. Last year I managed to get back into school and finish my Grade 11 and matric and did my level best and that too was unsuccessful. I don’t know where life will lead me from here, but I pray somewhere good.

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Tell us: What advice would you give the narrator?