They never looked for me but Mpho once called me before I sold my phone for drugs. I had written down her number and kept it safe but never called her for months. Then one day I decided to.

“Hello?” Mpho greeted.

“Nwana khotsi anga, ndi Lufuno, my father’s child, it’s Lufuno.”

“Lufuno ni gai? No tuwela mini na ntsia na diabolo? Lufuno, where are you? Why did you leave me with that devil?”
I wasn’t listening to what Mpho had said, nor did I ask if she was OK, all I wanted to do was to say my piece and end the call. There was no way that I could tell her the real reason why I left.

“A songo fana na mukomana wawe, a vhalese uri a kone u phasa a bveledzise miloro yawe, ndia mufuna. Don’t be like your sister, study hard so that you can make your dreams come true, I love you,” I said, and hung up.

For a month I was not bothered by how Mpho was doing. I told myself that she was OK and still living happily since mom always went everywhere with her.

I then met a guy who tried to save me from drugs and prostitution. He tried to make me contact my little sister again but due to my relapsing every now and then, I lost him. It was a rainy Saturday, I got flashbacks of how everything started; I just thought of Mpho, then I decided to call her.

“Mpho, o vuwa hani? How are you?” I asked.

“You are the last person to ask me that question, you left me here with this monster to rape me while mom watched and did not say anything. You left me here to die in and out, you traded your life with mine. Ndia ni nyala! I hate you!.”

Before I could respond, Mpho had ended the phone call. I was hit with guilt, pain, depression and anger. The only thing I could see was Mpho’s innocence leaving her soul, going down the drain. If only I had stayed, she would not have gone through this. I had flashbacks of everything that had happened to me and how much pain it had caused me, and pictured my bubbly little sister going through it.

I went back to the house without telling anyone. I found them in the dining room, I couldn’t utter words, all I did was to shoot him. Just when I was about to shoot mom too, I got hit and collapsed. I woke up in hospital handcuffed to the bed.

I was arrested for murder and breaking and entering. Mpho attended my hearing just to see me rot in jail because I left her with that monster. Mom did not attend even a single trial because she had started going crazy and was admitted to a mental institution.

While in jail I wrote a letter to Mpho explaining why I left the house, and everything Thulani did. I got a response and the words I cannot forget are, “You are responsible for the monster created in me, if you had taken me with you, I could have been there for you. I will never forgive you but I will always love you.”

I was sentenced to 15 years in prison but was released because of good behaviour. I looked for Mpho but found out she had committed suicide. If Thulani could wake up, I would kill him again for taking my little sister away from me. If I had told someone what had happened, she would have been with me. I failed my sister and that will haunt me for the rest of my life.

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