We never spoke of that night again, until I left.

As I landed in England, Toby and his sister were waiting for me. Toby hugged me and kissed me, and his sister brought me flowers. We shared everything we had missed, and I gave them gifts from my country. I had brought Toby an African loin skin because he had begged me to get one for him, and I brought his sister a beautiful beaded handbag.

They were both very glad to have me back. Toby and I spent some time alone while his sister went out running errands. He prepared a bath for me and watched me while I bathed and we spoke of this and that.

I was determined to get Sibusiso out of my mind, so I asked Toby to take my pureness away. He asked me numerous times if I was sure before he entered me. I nodded in response. I knew if I gave away my pureness to him, he would have a special place in my heart, so I lost my pureness to him. He was gentle and careful not to hurt me, and I enjoyed it. It was quiet great for my first time, and Toby was a wonderful lover.

After our session, we lay in bed cuddling, and then Toby asked me if I did not regret what I did. I told him no, so he kissed my lips.

“I love you so much, darling,” he said.

I smiled in response. “I love you most,” I said.

Days went by, and even though Toby and I were having mind blowing sex, Sibusiso still frequented my thoughts, and I eventually saw him in my dreams. I was having lustful dreams about him. Sometimes I would fantasize about him while Toby and I were busy. It was unfair, I know, but I could not help it.

It seemed like Toby taking my innocence did not make Sibusiso any less important to me. I would just have to accept it. Or did I have to?

Tell us: Do you think Nokuthula should stay in her relationship with Toby?